Conquering Silence
by ricochette
Summary: What prompted Jennifer Keller to undertake a position with the incredibly risky Atlantis Expedition? Appearances are deceiving. Ronon/Jennifer. Please review.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** I started writing this after I thought about the experiences of strong women who have overcome great hardships – some of them friends. Then of course, the flood gates broke open when I put on a little Tori Amos and began to think about random things while procrastinating (college work is a bore, isn't it?). I asked myself the question, "What prompted Jennifer Keller to join the Atlantis Expedition when she did?" I believe that Jennifer is a strong woman who, while humorous, has struggled constantly to prove herself and to overcome hardship. Furthermore, I believe that Ronan is a respectful man who seeks out strong and powerful women.

This story may not be for you. If you enjoy it (or have any constructive criticism) please leave a review. Reviews are delightful.

**Disclaimer:** I own only what you do not recognize.

**Warning:** This story will discuss rape, violence, sex (where there is consent), and potentially even death. There will, however, be a happy ending. Jennifer and Ronan most certainly do deserve a happy ending together.

**Chapter 1**

Jennifer Keller sat at her desk going through the endless mountain of paperwork that had accumulated over the past few days. Her blonde hair was in a loose bun, with strands falling wistfully out and freeing themselves every few moments. A cup of tea that had long since become cold sat on her desk next to one of her favorite fountain pen.

Her father gave her the pen when she had graduated medical school.

_Every doctor needs a good pen, you know, when they go through their charts – especially in front of their patients. I bet you'll treat only the best and brightest, you know. You're going places._ The words drifted through her head and she smiled slightly as she looked over a chart depicting a virus's growth rate on P3X-472. The barrier that had clouded her mind broke to pieces and she began to laugh at the situation she found herself in. It was absurd, it was unpredictable, and it would have made her father laugh as well. When he told her that she was going places, she didn't quite imagine that she'd end up making such a grand trek from Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin. Hell, Jennifer couldn't fathom getting by in New York City – and she here she found herself in the Pegasus Galaxy, of all places.

Her laugh was melodious and joyful, as the absurdity washed over her in waves. She hadn't even known where the Pegasus Galaxy was – hell, she hadn't even heard of it prior to walking through the gate!

Jennifer's laughter subsided after a moment or so and she got back to her charts as if nothing happened. She smiled to herself and once again lost herself in her work. She took a sip from her dreadfully cold herbal tea and winced. It must have been late, she reckoned, if her tea was that cold. She looked down at her watch and saw that it was eleven thirty. Another late night at the office, she sighed to herself. At least her father didn't need to worry about her having some wild social life that was under Top Secret designation – she barely had time for a social life. This _was_ her life. It didn't bother her, though, because she knew she was making a difference.

The monotony of the paperwork got to her at night, though. It made her want to jump off the highest diving board at the community pool back home – the one that her best friend Lucy dared her to jump off of when she was twelve. She remembered the warm summer breezes washing over her in waves, penetrating her soul and rushing through her consciousness. She remembered the smell of the chlorine, an easy reminder of the summer of her youth.

Her youth – she sighed. She had flown through it quickly, rushing through a sea of mediocrity to achieve greatness. There was no junior or senior prom – there was no first kiss in sophomore year – there were very few parties or social gatherings that she could remember. She had been young – so young. When she skipped through grades, Lucy stayed behind with the rest of the children her age. She went through school largely friendless.

She had wanted college to be different. She thought it would be. She was too young, though, even then. She had seen her peers, the attractive men and the sociable young women, run across the campus green at dusk as she sat in the library and mulled over her books. She thought back to the heavy text books, the advanced molecular biology classes, and the lectures on human anatomy. She remembered sitting in operating theatres watching a scalpel dance across pale flesh. She recalled the thrill of holding the scalpel for the first time, presiding over an autopsy. Her first autopsy, she remembered. It had shocked the people around her, how she didn't mind the sight of blood or the intense drama that was human surgery. They thought she was frail, weak, submissive, and incapable of any form of bravery. The surgeons who watched her disagreed. They saw in her a silent hero, the kind that often went unnoticed, never asking for praise – and only receiving acknowledgement after a long, arduous struggle against the forces that held her back.

She had thought the best of people, up until a few months prior to her decision to move to Atlantis. She had thought that the people around her were noble and were honest in their intentions. She felt foolish, thinking about this sitting at her desk in Atlantis, for thinking of this very thing went against everything she tried to overcome.

She felt naked for the first time in a very long time, as she ceased to pay attention to the report in front of her. She thought of him – the man with the dark jacket and the red baseball cap. She thought of him and the night that she had the misfortune of running into him on that Tuesday night, years ago. It was June and she remembered the perfume she wore – it smelled of lavender – and how the events of that night made her avoid that scent with all of her being. She remembered the light green dress she wore which was a celebration of her youth, of the summer night which she had decided to meet with Lucy for the first time in many years. They were to meet at a local diner in downtown Chippewa Falls.

_Her hair had been long at that time, hitting her waist. She wore make up for the first time in ages, as she actually valued Lucy's opinion. She had wanted to show Lucy that she was not dull or bookish. She had wanted to show Lucy that she was still the fun loving girl who had accepted the challenge of diving off of the highest diving board at the community pool._

_His voice was sultry and deep, as if he was so God damned sure of himself. Of course he was, Jennifer lamented. Men like him always were. _

"_Do you know the way to the nearest payphone, Miss?" he asked in that deep voice. His accent was different, not from Chippewa Falls. He sounded like he was from New England, possibly Boston. Jennifer turned to meet him and saw a man that terrified her. He would have otherwise been handsome if it were not for his eyes – they were black, so dark that she could not discern the iris from the pupil. He looked at her as if he was undressing her by merely standing there. His gaze penetrated into her soul. He smiled slightly and it terrified her. _

"_I'm sorry, I don't know…" Jennifer said quickly as she began to walk with a faster pace down the somewhat busy street. It was late evening and the night was warm. People were out and about, walking around. She had only walked the distance from her house to the diner because she knew she would be safe. She thought she would be safe. She desperately had hoped, when she saw this man, that he would leave her alone and she would get to the diner safely._

"_The hell you don't!" he said with his voice raising. "I've seen you around here before, Jennifer." His voice was not shaky as he said this. Her eyes grew wet with terror as he said her name. She began to run far away from him – as far as she possibly could, not daring to look behind her. The running was all in vein, however, as he caught up to her quickly and grabbed her by her long blonde hair._

"_You won't get away from me, little Doctor." He murmured as he pulled a knife from his sleeve and held to her throat. She began to whimper as she felt the cold steel pressed against her soft skin. He laughed slightly as he saw a single tear fall down her porcelain face. "If you scream, I'll slit your throat right here. You think I fuckin' care you sees? Think again, cunt." Jennifer grew paralyzed with fear and she went into shock. She had never thought that this would happen to her, not in a million years. This sort of thing happened to other people, she thought, not girls like her. Never the girls like her, she protested with herself, knowing that it would do her little good. _

_He dragged her off of the main street and into the park that stood so close to the evening pedestrian traffic of the street that they had just left. He didn't care, she realized. He simply did not care, being so out in the open. He pushed her through a more forested part of the park and then shoved her up against a tree. The feeling of the bark rubbed against her bare shoulders and scratched her, drawing blood. The tears would not fall – they could not fall – she lost control of her body as the man began to lift up her dress and pin her further against the tree._

_She remembered the sound of her underwear tearing and the slight echo of the condom wrapper being unwrapped. He pushed his covered arousal into her dry body and her eyes widened. Her face was frozen, as if she had seen a ghost – she felt like she was a ghost. _

_She could remember nothing after the sound of the condom wrapper unraveling. She had been found in the bushes an hour later by a couple on their evening walk. The kind voice of an older woman brought her out of her paralyzed state and she leaned up, guarding her body with her arms._

"_Oh my God, George, there's a woman there!" the lady said to the man that she was walking with._

"_No! Keep him away from me!" Jennifer shouted, terrified at the prospect of another man. They all looked the same in the dark._

"_George, I think she's been…" the lady started to say, giving a terrified look to her husband. Her husband nodded with a solemn face and stepped back a few paces._

_The woman walked up to Jennifer and sat down on the ground with her._

"_I'm going to call an ambulance, Miss." The lady said softly. The girl before her looked so young – her daughter's age – and had long blonde hair just as her daughter did. The thought of this girl being raped and left out in the park at night terrified her. "I'm not going to hurt you. My name is Vivienne. I'm not going to hurt you."_

Jennifer sank to the floor of her office and cried quietly to herself, letting the tears flow. When her colleagues in Atlantis asked her why she felt compelled to undertake such a daring expedition at such a young age, she never told them the real reason. She needed to leave, to get away. Everything on Earth smelled like him, looked like him, and evoked images of him. She had rarely thought of this dreadful memory, as she had been on antidepressants and sleep medication for the past two and a half years. She wondered what triggered the flashback – but instantly remembered: youth. A thing that many took for granted – a thing that flew by her at a rapid speed – a jewel that was coveted by many – a commodity that was taken from her that June night.

Nobody had known about it, save for the woman and the man who had saved her. Vivienne Andrews, she remembered. Vivienne Andrews, a fifty eight year old high school nurse born and raised in Madison, Wisconsin – the angel who had found her in the park and decided to take action. Her husband George had looked on protectively, watching Vivienne and Jennifer sit at the base of that tree. He learned a lot about his wife, that night – and the very thought of that evening brought tears to his eyes. That could have been anybody, he realized – he knew rape was about power, destruction, greed, and malevolence. But Vivienne held the young woman in her arms, as if she was her own daughter. And he thought of her daughter, who looked similar to the young woman they had found.

The sound of footsteps entering into the infirmary caused her to jump up from the floor. She ran her sleeves over her face in an attempt to dry the tears and make herself look presentable. Walking out of her office, her eyes met a man that she had not expected to see.

"Ronan?" she asked softly, looking at the tall Satedan that stood before her. She was on edge. The recollection of the tragedy that had befallen her not so long ago had brought back a deluge of emotions and anxieties. He stood before her in all of his male glory – and she knew his intentions were nothing but pure. But that had been her downfall, hadn't it? _It isn't your fault, Jennifer_, ran Vivienne's words through her head. Jennifer had slowly come to realize that Vivienne was right. It wasn't her fault. As Vivienne's soothing words played over and over in her mind, Jennifer grew more and more calm in front of Ronan.

"Doc?" he asked quietly, sensing that something was far from right. "Are you okay?" As he asked the question, he walked closer. Jennifer responded to his sudden motion by backing away from him slightly.

"Ronan, I'm… uh…" she mumbled, unaware of how to handle the situation that had presented itself before her. He gave her a worried look that sent shockwaves through her system.

"Jennifer," he said, throwing away formalities. He didn't need her to look at the stupid late night sparring injury that Sheppard had ordered him to see Jennifer for. "You're not okay."

She knew that she was not okay. She looked at him with wide eyes and gave him a weary smile.

"Was it something that happened here, on Atlantis?" Ronan asked, attempting to mask his anger at the thought of anybody in the city causing her such grief.

"No, Ronan." She said quietly. "I don't want to talk about it." She said this quickly in an attempt to change the subject. She had liked Ronan. She had admired him. The thought of him learning about her secret scared her – how could he even come to want her after learning such a terrible thing about her?

"And maybe it haunts you for that reason." He said as he looked at her porcelain face.

"I can't talk about it, Ronan." She said with a weak voice. "I just…"

"You need to step back and take care of yourself for a change, Jen. Just… please, take care of yourself." He said this earnestly and with great conviction. She sensed the purity in his voice.

The tall Satedan looked at the woman that stood before him. He knew that look that he had seen in her eyes. She had been crying. And he had heard the faint sobs as he walked into the infirmary. The thought of somebody causing her pain drove him mad.

The bond that he had developed with Jennifer had been an odd one, wrought out of the madness that was Atlantis. He had been attracted to her from a distance, from the moment he first saw her in the Mess Hall. She sat by herself and read what John later told him was a magazine. She looked quiet yet aware of herself. And she was certainly capable, he learned later that day as she stitched him up in record time. He had asked her for her name. _Jennifer_, she told him. He loved the way her name rolled off of his tongue. He had liked Earth names, he decided. Jennifer was one of the names that he had decided he especially liked.

He found himself in the infirmary often, much to the surprise of Jennifer. She would joke with him about how he was big and masculine, yet came to her for the littlest ailment. He would have feigned illness to see her and to feel her touch on his skin. Through his infirmary visits he developed a friendship with her – and it was a long time coming. He had learned that she was well respected among her people, and with good reason. He would watch her work as he waited to be treated, noting that she outperformed all of the other doctors. He was impressed – for on Sateda, there were few women he knew who could even measure up to her skill.

The last week, however, had proven slightly more entertaining than the weeks that had preceded it. He had considered, as he stood in front of her and took in her somber beauty, that he thought the fake virus that led to the quarantine was a blessing. He had come so close to kissing her and tasting her during that quarantine. He had only stopped by the infirmary just now to see if she was still there so he could walk her home. He had wanted to ask her over to his quarters for a "movie night", as Sheppard called it. _Good idea with the ladies, you know, back on Earth. Really, it's a good idea. A little popcorn, submit to whatever film she wants to watch, and you're in. It's easy, buddy, trust me._ The date that he had wanted to plan had been pushed aside as he saw Jennifer before him.

"I'm sorry… Ronan, I just…" She said quietly, looking down. Ronan was surprised, for the Jennifer he knew did not look down. She was brave and courageous and saved lives. Whatever troubled her must have been really bad to make her look down. "I just can't talk about it."

"When you're ready to talk to me about it, I'll be there waiting" He said firmly. "Can I walk you home to your quarters? It's really late."

Jennifer looked at him and realized that Ronan did truly care about her. Sensing she was safe, she smiled slightly. Ronan smiled in return as he watched more color come back to her face.

"I'd like that…" Jennifer answered, giving him a trusting look. Ronan understood what had just transpired between him and gave her a protecting look that told her he'd be there for her. She smiled a bit more.

The two walked down the halls, mainly in silence, yet surrounded by comfort. In the early hours of the morning, walking through Atlantis with Ronan, Jennifer felt safe.

As they reached her door, Ronan stepped back and looked at her as she turned to him.

"I meant what I said back there." Jennifer smiled slightly at his words.

"I know you did, Ronan." She answered. "I don't know when I'll be ready…" she began to say.

"That doesn't change anything. I'll wait for you, when you're ready to tell me." Ronan stepped away from the door and gave her a slight friendly smile. Jen returned the gesture and looked at him with kindness. She opened her door and then turned to Ronan once again.

"Thanks, Ronan… for everything. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course." He looked at her deeply as he said this. "Nothing less."

"Goodnight." Jennifer said softly as she backed up into her room.

"Goodnight, Jennifer." Ronan answered. He stayed in front of her door until he heard her lock the door behind her. Smiling to himself, he began to walk into the direction of his own quarters. He yawned as he arrived at his quarters and opened his door. Later he would drift off to sleep thinking about Jennifer and hoping that whatever plagued her would fade from her mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: ** Apologies for misspelling Ronon's name in the first chapter. I realized I had misspelled it shortly after I posted the story and I felt super-stupid. It was really late, so, of course I felt too lazy to change it. I'll fix it sometime later but from now on the spelling will be correct.

This story, at least for the beginning, will alternate between real time and flash backs, and vice versa. You're all at the mercy of my time line whims. ;)

Thanks for your readership and I hope that you enjoy this story. Thanks for the reviews as well; they mean a lot.

**Chapter 2**

_**Prior to leaving for the Atlantis Expedition.**_

Jennifer took out two glasses of white wine to the porch.

"Dad." She looked down at her father who sat on one of the two rocking chairs that overlooked the large, tree-shaded lawn. He smiled at her and she sat down next to him, handing him one of the wine glasses.

"Still can't tell me where you're going, Jenny?" He chuckled slightly as he looked at his daughter, the surgeon. He had worried about her over the past two months – she seemed different. He hadn't seen her for a week in June; she had left him a brief message on his voicemail. _I can't come home right now, Dad. Something came up at work._ That was a lie.

She had stayed at the house of her coworker, Daniela. Daniela was surprised to see the slightly younger woman at her door – of course, she realized that something had gone terribly wrong. Jennifer had worked so hard to build up a barrier of stone around her at work, which Daniela no doubt chalked up to her young age and her desire to appear experienced and mature. Daniela knew that Jennifer was a good person so she asked no questions and accepted her in her home for the week. Daniela had cooked for her and given her a change of clothes, which Jennifer seemed truly grateful for. Daniela asked her a question on the fourth night she stayed there. 'No family?' Jennifer had looked at her with a strained face. 'I can't see my father right now.'

Daniela backed off and didn't question her again until the last night she stayed with her. 'Something really bad happened, didn't it?' Daniela asked cutting directly to the chase. Jennifer looked down and meekly said, 'I can't talk about it.' Daniela, again, backed off.

Much to Daniela's surprise, she woke up the next morning and her small apartment was empty, save for herself and her cat. She found a note on the kitchen's counter top. _Thanks. You have no idea. – Jennifer_. Next to the note lay a hundred dollar bill. Daniela was shocked at the sight and decided to give it back to Jennifer the next time she saw her. Much to Daniela's surprise, Jennifer quit her job before she could make right with the money.

"Jenny?" Jennifer's dad looked at her daughter who was sipping absentmindedly on her white wine, looking over the lawn. She had been lost in thought. After hearing her name, she was taken away from her thoughts and looked to her father.

"Sorry."

"Well, I suppose it comes from being a genius, eh?" he joked. "You always thought too much."

"I guess it paid off, right?" she mused quietly. The two sat in silence for the next few minutes, listening to the quite sounds of a late summer night pass through Wisconsin.

"You know, I always thought this –" he motioned to the greenery that surrounded him, "wasn't big enough to keep you. You're bigger than this, Jenny… Though I wish you could tell me where you're going."

"The Air Force is big on secrets, I guess." Jennifer said, trying to end that chapter of the conversation. She had always been close to her father, though the events of the past two months had driven them apart slightly. She hated the thought of not being able to tell him where she was going.

"Your mother would be proud."

"You think?" Jennifer asked quietly, emotion suddenly coming to her eyes.

"I know." Her dad replied plainly. "You're the best of us, you know that? You're the best of me and the best of her. Only the best qualities. I'm really proud of you." He looked to his daughter with wet eyes, for he knew that the project she would be undertaking was serious and highly confidential. He put his wine down and he turned to his daughter, stroke her face lightly with his thumb.

"You have to be safe for me." He said this with a sense of sadness. "I can't lose you."

"Dad, don't talk like that." Jennifer said, trying to bite back the tears. "I'm coming back." She looked at him with strong eyes and continued. "I promise."

x.x.x.x.

Sitting on the porch the next morning, Jennifer drank a cup of tea and looked over the morning paper. The Chippewa Falls Chronicle was something she read more for amusement than anything else, as it usually covered small town stories that always seemed to be of little consequence.

Scanning the front page, she saw the usual suspects – _Pothole on Main Street_, _School Board Hires New Deputy Administrator _– but she quickly dropped her cup of coffee when she read the next line, which stood out with the boldest print.

_Rape in a Small Town – Chestnut Pines Park_. The china coffee cup shattered as it hit the wooden planks on the porch. The dark brown liquid spilled over the wood and stained the planks.

She didn't want to look, but she felt compelled by a force greater than her inhibitions – her doctor's curiosity. _You find a problem? You find a solution. I'll be damned if there isn't a solution to every problem! You find a solution at all costs!_ The words of her lecturer and mentor ran through her brain as she worked up the courage to turn to read the small print underneath the headline.

A woman had been raped, it said. The details registered with her and she ran them through her mind at a quick pace. Blonde hair, mid twenties, currently at the hospital recovering… and she had given a forensic artist a description of the man.

A sketch was enlarged on the page. She looked at the man and her eyes widened. It was the same man who had raped her in June. She knew it – it was the eyes. She recognized the eyes.

And the strange thing, of course, was that he looked so God damned familiar to her – she knew she had seen him before that fateful June night. She had seen that face before – and he must have known her, for he knew her name. The tears began to fall and she tried to gather herself together. Her father had left for work early that morning, yet she still felt as if somebody could have easily found her in such a weak state at any moment. After a few moments, she looked down at the broken coffee cup and began to violently scrape the shards off of the porch into her hands.

Jennifer looked down at her bloody hands and felt a pang of defeat wash over her. Everything felt beyond her control.

xx.

The next morning had been a long time coming, but Jennifer felt it was the only way to move on… to get away from what had happened – to start again. Jennifer sat in the living room drinking a cup of tea. She looked at the photographs that adorned the room, chronicling her life and accomplishments. It was then that she justified her future participation in the Atlantis Expedition.

He father knocked on the wall lightly to get attention.

"Thinking too much again?" he joked, cup of coffee in hand, still wearing his dark blue robe.

"I better get packing, right?" Jennifer smiled at him, as if to lighten the mood.

"You're so last minute, you know that?" he said with a laugh, walking over to her. He pulled her into a light hug which lasted for a moment. "I want you to be happy."

x.x.x.x.

Colonel Samantha Carter had never been to Wisconsin before. She knocked on the door lightly and before long, a man greeted her.

"You must be Jennifer Keller's father." Colonel Carter said in a kind and polite tone.

"Good morning…" Mr. Keller started, looking at her uniform or any indication of rank. Samantha realized what was going on and she looked at Jennifer's dad with an amused look.

"Colonel Carter, sir." Mr. Keller smiled.

"Do come in, Colonel. Would you like some coffee or tea?" Mr. Keller looked sad, and Colonel Carter realized that he needed a friendly face at that moment. It was unusual for a military escort to accept such a request, but she broke from tradition and smiled at Mr. Keller.

"A cup of coffee would be lovely, sir." Mr. Keller gave her a friendly smile and motioned for her to enter into his home.

The truth was, Dr. Jennifer Keller had not been an ordinary pick up – and Colonel Samantha Carter never acted as a military escort. The file that Colonel Carter had read impressed her beyond belief. She remembered what Jack O'Neill told her – _Carter, you're going to be impressed with this one_.

Colonel Carter was shown to the living room, where she was offered a seat. Gazing at the mantelpiece, she saw photographs that reminded her of herself and her own father, Jacob. A daughter with many accolades was featured in various photographs documenting important accomplishments that so few would ever be able to achieve. Other photographs included Jennifer and her father – her father looked proud. Sam smiled as she saw the photographs. Jennifer looked brilliant.

Shortly after Sam sat down, Mr. Keller appeared with two cups of coffee on a tray along with milk and sugar.

"Thank you for your hospitality, Mr. Keller." Sam said politely.

"You know, I feel better about her going, seeing you. It looks like she'll be in capable hands." He said this in an attempt to mask is obvious emotion.

"She'll be working with the best people in their fields. The best of the best, all handpicked. She'll have a lot of people looking out for her." Sam felt like she was talking to her own father – perhaps this was why she felt the need to say so many things to Mr. Keller.

After five minutes or so, Jennifer stumbled down the stairs with four big suitcases. The last two suitcases fell down the remaining steps and hit the floor with a loud thud. Jennifer stood in the living room surrounded by her suitcases. Her father raised an eyebrow at his daughter.

"Jenny, with the way you've packed, one would think you're going to another planet!" he joked. Sam looked down at the ground when she heard these words, trying to mask her amusement.

Jennifer smiled in order to suppress her laughter at the absurdity of the situation that had just unfolded before her. Gathering herself together, she looked at her father.

"Dad, you know how it is…" She rambled. "You never know what you'll need, right?"

Sam and Mr. Keller finished their cups of coffee and Jennifer made small talk with Sam. After Sam finished her coffee, she placed it on the tray and stood up.

"I'll leave you two alone for a moment, then?" She smiled slightly and then looked at Jennifer. "I'll be out on the porch."

Sam retreated from the house and waited on the porch as she promised.

"If anything happens…" Jennifer stated, unsure of what to say.

"This isn't goodbye." Her father said with a sense of authority.

"I'm going to make you proud, Dad. I promise."

"Jenny, you already have." He answered quietly with wet eyes. "I want you to take care of yourself, okay? Knock 'em dead."

"Dad, I'm pretty clumsy, maybe that wasn't the best wording…" she joked, lightening the situation.

"Very true!" He laughed along with his daughter. "Just… you know. Be safe. Not just for me, but for you too. You got that, kiddo?" Jennifer flashed him a smile and then looked at her watch. It was time to leave.

Her father, sensing the same things, walked up to her and pulled her into a strong hug.

"No tears." He whispered. "I love you, Jenny."

"I love you too, Dad."

x.x.x.x..

_**Atlantis**_**.**

Jennifer sat in the Mess Hall looking down at her red jell-o. She remembered hating jell-o back at home. The thought of the whipped cream – dairy – on such a weird snack made her nauseous. After a month in Atlantis, she quickly got over her aversion to the after-dinner snack and fell in line with the rest of the expedition members. The reasonable part of her hated the damned stuff, though.

"This seat taken?" Jennifer looked up and her eyes met Ronon's. He flashed her a quick smirk and his eyes lit up. She saw a bruise on his arm and frowned; he noticed her change of face.

"Sheppard's handiwork?" She inquired, eying the bruise. "That's what happens when you get too absorbed in your late night aggressively masculine sparring!" She said this slightly joking, slightly serious. Ronon took this as his invitation to sit down.

"If you say so." Ronon smiled. He liked that she thought he was slightly aggressively masculine. Of course he was. "You like this stuff, Jen?" Ronon looked down at the red jell-o that they both had on their trays.

"Truth be told, I hated it back on Earth." Ronon's ears perked up at her mention of Earth.

"Do you miss it there? Do you think about it a lot?"

"Lately, I guess. I mean, I miss my father." She looked down at her tray. "And, the little things, of course. Places, even." She smiled slightly and continued to talk. "I've always wanted to go to Rome. Always. I never went – never had the chance to." Jen continued to ramble a bit and did not notice when Rodney sat down across from her, next to Ronon.

Ronon, ignoring Rodney entirely – Rodney was rolling his eyes at this point – turned to Jen and continued listening.

"And, Venice, you know. So, I mean, I miss the places that I haven't visited, like Italy." Jennifer blushed as she realized that Ronon had been listening to her every word, looking deep into her eyes. "Oh crap, here I am rambling away…"

"No, it sounds nice." He smirked thoroughly as he looked at her. "What's so great about Rome?"

"Hello!" Rodney waved his arms in front of her face. "Jennifer!" He continued to move his arms as if to add further depth to his point. "You're talking to the Earth equivalent of the _missing link!_ Rome? Culture? Hello!" Rodney said, trying to undermine Ronon's presence. Jennifer turned to Rodney and stared him down.

"That was out of line." She said plainly. She then turned to Ronon, only to find that he was no longer sitting next to her. His tray was gone. She looked disappointed as she saw him exit the Mess Hall.

"What do you see in Jungle Boy?" Rodney asked, almost as if he was shooting a gun at point blank range. He was clearly sleep deprived – but wasn't he always?

"You can be a real ass, you know that?" Jennifer answered in turn. She rose from her seat taking her tray with her. Suddenly losing her appetite, she placed her tray on the tray pick up and stormed out of the Mess Hall.

Jennifer walked quickly through the halls and found comfort in her office, adjacent to the infirmary. It was going to be a long day, and she figured there was no better way to make the day go by faster than to get absorbed in work.

Jennifer glanced up at the clock after she had finished the bulk of her paperwork and noticed that three and a half hours had transpired. Sighing, she pulled out more files and began to organize them.

Two sets of footsteps caught her attention, taking her from her desk to the center of the infirmary. Colonel Sheppard and Ronon stood before her – Sheppard with a smirk and Ronon looking away slightly. _Great, he doesn't even want to look at me now_, Jennifer thought.

"Sparring accident?" Jennifer asked, already knowing the answer.

"That would be it." Sheppard stated. "Had to drag Chewie over here to come with me, though!" Ronon coughed when John said this – it was obvious he knew something was strange between Jennifer and Ronon for him to actually want to get out of seeing her in the infirmary.

"Nothing too bad, I'm assuming…" Jennifer started.

"Just a few cuts… bruises… maybe even, I dunno, sprained a wrist?" John said this, attempting to sound very casual – he had been in a great deal of pain. John craned his head slightly to show the extent of the bruising.

"Rough sparring session, then?" Jennifer winced. She hated the idea of the men beating each other up for sport. She always found the concept to be overly aggressive.

"You could say that." Ronon said with little emotion. Jennifer was surprised to hear his voice. After leaving the Mess Hall, Ronon went to the training room and began practicing. He was joined that evening by Sheppard, who did not get the message that Ronon was not in a good mood – and Sheppard was thus met with Ronon in full force. Every strike and blow inflicted by Ronon and been severe and calculated, inflicted to do damage.

Jennifer walked over to John and motioned for him to sit down on one of her beds. She lifted his sleeves up and began to carefully assess the bruising and cuts on his skin.

"You narrowly avoided stitches, Colonel." As Jennifer said this, she frowned and looked at Ronon. Sensing her displeasure, John defended his friend.

"Not his fault. I told him to give me all he had." John jumped slightly as Jennifer put a little too much pressure on one of his ribs. "And he had a lot." He added sarcastically.

After a few awkward moments of silence, Jennifer finished putting a few bandages on John.

"Put ice on the worst of the bruises. You know the drill, Colonel." Jennifer smiled slightly and John rose from the bed. John looked at Ronon and saw the way he had been looking at Jennifer. He saw him looking at her a lot lately, he realized.

"Thanks Doc." John turned to Ronon and threw him a wink. "Well, I should be going. I have… err… to see Teyla. I have to see Teyla now, so I need to run." With that, John quickly left the infirmary. Ronon stood in front of Jennifer unaware of what to say.

"Why the hell did you leave?" Jennifer asked, getting to the point. She knew she didn't do anything wrong.

"If you'd prefer to spend time with Rodney, then…"

"I told Rodney off for saying what he did, Ronon." She looked at him with a sense of annoyance. "And then I got up and left the Mess Hall… Just so you know."

"He just makes me worry sometimes." He said cautiously.

"Well, the way you take out your frustration in the sparring room makes me worry sometimes."

"What I meant to say, that is, when I sat down with you… I mean, I meant to say it when I ran into you last night…" He started, unsure of how to approach what he was going to say. _Ronon, buddy, chicks love movies. I'll lend you my DVD player and my TV, even_, he recalled John saying. Ronon barely gave him an answer before he was asked a question which he did not want to answer… _Ronon, who the hell is she?_ Ronon didn't want to answer, worried that she'd say no and then he'd have to tell John about the embarrassing situation.

"You meant to say…" Jennifer supplied.

"Yes, I meant to… alright, I meant to ask you if you wanted to watch a movie with me." He said this quickly, unsure of whether or not it was even a good idea asking.

"You mean… a date?" She offered, slightly amused that this was what was making him anxious.

"Yeah." He smiled slightly and raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I don't know why you were so worried about that in the first place, Ronon… 'Cause I'd really love that." Jennifer blushed slightly hoping that she did not seem too excited about it.

"Tonight then?" He asked.

Jennifer nodded. "Sounds good to me."

"I'll pick you up at your quarters around eight?"

"See you then, Ronon."

Jennifer smiled and then Ronon returned the gesture. He then turned to leave the infirmary.

As soon as he was out of sight of the infirmary, he broke out into a sprint, running to Sheppard's quarters. He knocked on the door loudly.

"Sheppard!" John knew that voice.

"What?" Ronon heard a raspy voice from the other side of the door. John must have been sore from the bruises.

"It's important!" Ronon said loudly.

"Alright, come in."

Ronon walked into John's room and took a seat in his desk chair.

"You said you needed something?" John asked curiously.

"The DVD player and the TV." Ronon supplied, speaking quickly.

"So, you mean to say that this lovely lady happened to say yes." John smirked. "Jennifer Keller and Ronon Dex having a movie."

Ronon looked at him with a sense of discomfort when he heard the words.

"Nah, buddy, I'm just practicing. Rolls off my tongue rather well, don't you think? Hell, I could get used to saying it."

"Sheppard." Ronon warned him.

"Alright, alright. Have you decided what DVD you want to watch?" Ronon hadn't even thought about that part. He sent him an empty look and smiled briefly. "I'll take that as no."

John rose from his bed and walked over to the large cabinet which stored his massive DVD collection.

"You have time to watch all of those?" Ronon asked with disbelief.

"Eh, many are used for movie nights, others… my collection from home… Ronon, what the hell do you think I think about when I stare at Rodney blankly when he's talking?"

"How to avoid having to stare at Rodney?"

"Good point. But, no, I think about random stuff like which song I want to listen to or what movie I want to watch next. You know, to pass the time. Keeps me sane. Anyways…" John went through the DVDs, which had been arranged in alphabetical order.

"Know what she likes?" John asked.

"She was telling me about Earth stuff today over lunch." Ronon said randomly. "She kept going on about Rome."

"Ah! Bull's eye!" John pulled out two DVDs from his massive collection and handed them to Ronon. "And this, Mr. Dex, is how you will get the girl."

Ronon looked at the two DVD's. _Roman Holiday _and _Mr. & Mrs. Smith_ stood out with their enticing covers.

"_Roman Holiday_, of course, because it's perfect. Got an actress in it named Audrey Hepburn, all the women love her, kinda right up there with Mother Theresa." Ronon looked at John blankly. "And, _Mr. & Mrs. Smith_ – action movie, lotta guns and explosions and car chases and stuff. Husband and wife assassins are each pursuing hits on each other." Ronon looked a bit more satisfied with the second option.

"And, let Jen choose." Ronon said to himself.

"Exactly."

"Thanks Sheppard." Ronon said as he walked over to the TV set and DVD player, which were laying one on top of the other. The flat screen was by no means heavy, even with its wall mount – nor was the DVD player.

"Need help with that?" John asked absentmindedly.

"Does it look like I need help with that?" Ronon answered.

"Good point, Chewie." John said, scratching the top of his head. His hair stuck up as usual in the back. "Well, make Uncle John proud!" John said sarcastically. Ronon smirked slightly.

"Later."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Thanks for reading my story. This is my first fic for Stargate: Atlantis so I'm kind of worried about it. I appreciate the reviews. Don't be shy! Let me know how you feel about the fic. Any criticism – constructive or otherwise – or any opinion is appreciated. I want to know how you think I'm doing.

Italicized paragraphs are throwbacks to Jennifer's past, etc. You're all smart so I'm sure you'll get along just fine.

**Chapter 3**

Jennifer smiled to herself as she sat at her desk. Her shift was over at 6 pm, after which she had planned to hurry to her quarters to prepare for her date with Ronon.

A date, she mused. A date with somebody she seemed to be the opposite of... A date with a man who despite his strong facade was somebody she knew was capable of sensitivity and compassion.

She didn't lack confidence, though, as she looked in her mirror thinking about how she should wear her hair. The man who had nearly destroyed her back on Earth sought to annihilate her confidence and sense of self-worth. As Jennifer looked in the mirror, she realized that her sense of self -- her voice -- her smile that was uniquely hers, had not perished.

For a moment she wondered whether or not being in the presence of a man, in such close proximity -- alone only with him -- was a bad idea. Ronon wouldn't hurt her, she trusted. She reassured herself that she was making the right decision and pushed thoughts of self-doubt out of her head.

Meanwhile, Ronon quickly began to prepare his room for his impending date. He had never felt the urge to impress any of the women on Atlantis. It had been so long since he even thought about pursuing a woman.

Melena, he thought. Melena. She had haunted him as he ran through the desolate forests of planets belonging to stars flung across the vast expanse of the galaxy. She refused to leave -- she had made her choice. And he lived with it, she died with it, he ran with it, and it removed from him emotion and filled his soul with one purpose -- that of killing Wraith.

_'Ronon, boy.'_ The voice of his grandfather broke through his thoughts. Ronon was no longer a boy when they had this conversation. _'The stars are vast, but do not let their majesty overwhelm you. There is a meaning behind everything -- the darkness, the chaos, the despair. There is goodness, but you must seek it out with all of your being. Do not forget these words, boy.'  
_  
And Ronon did not forget them. Did Melena die for a reason? Yes, Ronon resolved. She died for a choice that she made, which he had desperately disagreed with. And why did he live when the very life he possessed was to be drained from him by a race of creatures hell-bent on destroying humanity? He searched for the reason daily. As a runner, he figured his only purpose was to kill Wraith. As a part of his new Atlantis family, he was unsure of the reason behind the madness of the stars in the galaxy.

_'Good old Pegasus.' _He remembered Sheppard saying as the two ran from the fire of bows and arrows. _'It's a mad, mad world'_. That was indeed correct. Madness: something Ronon knew very well. Reason: something he struggled to find.

But he resolved, as he set up the DVD player and TV set while recalling John's instructions, that Melena wasn't his fault. But the next woman he came to love -- he promised himself that he wouldn't let her get away. Not the next one. He'd keep the next one safe and he'd love her like he should have loved the last one.

Ronon's room was clean and very masculine. Athosian incense given to him by Teyla gave the room a smell which comforted; something that reminded him of better days on Sateda. He looked at the painting of the warriors that hung over his bed. John once teased him for it, but ceased laughing when Ronon had rescued him wearing attire similar to the soldiers in the painting. He quickly wondered what Jennifer would think of it, but then pushed the thoughts aside.

He sighed as he finished setting up the TV set and DVD player. Sitting on his small couch, he took in the smell of the incense and tried to relax. He had been afraid of the petite blonde woman from Earth. He had been afraid that she would see little in him, save for his tracking and fighting abilities. He had avoided the women which stared at him, spoke loudly around him in an attempt to gain his attention, threw themselves at him... Jennifer, though... She hadn't worshipped him or let him get his way. She stood up to him. It was different, new, and refreshing.

And the strength he saw in her was astounding. Maybe the others didn't see it – but he recognized the look in her eyes as she made lightning fast decisions which life and death depended on. She made him want to find reasons behind the madness he had so long been subject to.

He wondered whether or not she thought he was smart or intellectual, for he knew that Rodney most certainly did not. He worried that Jennifer thought so little of him intellectually that she believed Rodney's words. Missing link. Jungle boy. He knew not what the term "missing link" meant, but he knew that it wasn't anything one would aspire to become.

His mind ran to the previous night when he found Jennifer crying. He curled his hands into fists as he wondered what could have happened. She seemed to distance herself when he walked closer to her, something he noticed quickly. His extensive time as a runner taught him how to read people easily. She was apprehensive, he sensed. She withdrew, obviously haunted by a past memory. She had been fearful and looked distraught. Maybe it was a man, he instantly thought. His mind quickly raced, wondering why anybody would take it upon himself to hurt her. His thoughts grew darker, as he decided that he hated the person who haunted her thoughts.

He'd seen that vacant look in the eyes of soldiers returning to their homes only to find them burnt to the grounds, the earth of their farms salted with malice and hatred, their lives destroyed. Somebody, he knew, must have given her that empty look. The desire to destroy the person who inflicted such sadness upon Jennifer was overwhelming.

Ronon looked to the clock and realized that it was time to pick Jennifer up. Walking out of his quarters, he walked lightly through the halls.

Jennifer, meanwhile, stood in front of her mirror and quickly looked over her outfit. She wore dark jeans, a fitted dark purple t-shirt, and a smooth black cardigan which came down her thighs in angles. Sliding her feet into her black ballet flats, Jennifer sighed.

"Atlantis." She said to herself quietly, almost with a sense of amusement s she walked over to her balcony and stepped out to look at the stars. She remembered learning the constellations when she was a little girl. She would sit on the front porch with her father on clear nights and he would tell her all about Andromeda, Orion… and Pegasus, she remembered. The names had evaded her for so long – only the distant lull of the Lantean sea that surrounded her seemed to bring the memory back. Jennifer looked up at the stars and ruefully remembered that the constellations would be different. She wondered where Earth was in all of that madness. It bothered her for some reason – that she couldn't pick out the Milk Way in the sea of stars and galaxies.

"How the heck did I manage to get here?" she asked as the light ocean breeze ran through her flowing locks. The thoughts swam through her head as the smell of the salt water swam through her senses.

"_Doctor Jennifer Keller." The man spoke for the two other military officials that sat next to him at the board room table. Jennifer sat across from them, no fear evident on her face. When it came to medicine, anxiety disappeared from her very being. She was in her element. The uniformed men of Volk Field Air Force Base didn't intimidate her._

"_Yes sirs." She answered, looking at the three men that sat before her._

"_You do know that we cannot fully discuss the matter of this position until you sign a non-disclosure agreement."_

"_Yes." She answered quietly, looking the speaker of the question in the eyes. Jennifer saw the paper sitting in front of the man. Before he could stop her, Jennifer reached across the desk and grabbed a pen. She neatly wrote her signature as slowly as she could, as if to show the man that she was completely serious. After she finished signing the agreement, she slid the paper across the table and looked up at the first man who had spoken to her, smiling. "Now disclosure won't be an issue."_

"_You could easily have a six figure job in any of the fine hospitals in this country, Doctor." One of the men said, unhappy that Dr. Keller had been so bold. She seemed so young – too young! – for a job of such importance._

"_You could have your own private practice," the third speaker supplied, attempting to throw Jennifer off._

"_I just want to help people." Jennifer said honestly, looking at the three men in their spiffy Air Force uniforms._

"_You believe in the Hippocratic Oath." The voice of the man surprised her beyond belief, for she had not heard or seen him enter the room. The men who sat across the room from her all stood up and firmly saluted the man. Jennifer rose as well, unsure of how to address the man. She knew little about military insignia – rather, she knew little and cared little about military insignia._

"_General O'Neill." He said, as he extended a hand to Jennifer. Jennifer shook his hand firmly. She grew a bit nervous as she heard his rank – she had never met a general before. "You must be the ever so highly regarded Dr. Jennifer Keller." He said this with a smirk and he motioned for her to sit down. The three military men sat down, followed by Jennifer and then the General._

"_As I said, you believe in the Hippocratic Oath." He said this with wry honesty – he used no military voice. _

"_I do, sir." She said with all honesty. With all of my heart, she wanted to add._

"_Why do you want this assignment?" General O'Neill cut directly to the chase. Without thinking much, Jennifer answered him._

"_I want something of my own, General. I want to help people in a place where I'm needed. I just want… to make a difference, as silly as that sounds."_

"_That's not silly, Doctor." General O'Neill answered. "You'd leave your father for this?"_

"_You know about my father?" Jennifer asked with a sense of surprise._

"_I've read your file." He answered. _

"_I have a file?" Jennifer asked with wide eyes._

"_You think you're going to get in a top security clearance meeting on a military base without a file?" He joked._

"_Good point." She said with a smirk. She had decided that she liked General O'Neill._

"_So, my question." He said, getting back to business._

"_Yes… I would. I can't stay in Wisconsin forever, I guess?" She laughed bitterly when she said this. "I've always lived according to the expectations of others, I suppose. I want to change that." _

_General O'Neill shot her a devilish smile and rose from his seat._

"_She's on the team, gentlemen." The men that had been questioning her sent him looks of protest._

"_But sir, we haven't even finished the questioning!" One man said indignantly._

"I_ want _her_ on the team. That's a direct order." The General then turned to exit the room as quickly as he came in. The men who sat before Jennifer rose and gave General O'Neill a hasty salute._

That was the moment, Jennifer realized, that she encountered somebody who believed in her other than her father or her professors in school. That meant its weight in gold.

The knock on the door brought Jennifer back to reality. She ran over to the front of her quarters and waved her hand over the motion sensor to open the doors. She gave a small smile to the man who stood before her.

Ronon stood tall and confidently in the hallway in front of her quarters. He had wondered what she would wear to spend the evening with him. The sight of her out of her uniform and in something other than what she referred to as "yoga pants" pleased him – though he would never admit to her so casually that he found her form fitting yoga pants enticing.. Her outfit, however, looked as if she put effort into seeing him – as if this was something that she was looking forward to, just as he was.

"Ah, you didn't stand me up!" Jennifer joked softly as she looked at Ronon. Ronon quirked an eyebrow. "Um, Earth expression, you know?" She tried to explain herself nervously. "It means that, uh… you didn't purposely forget about me." Ronon looked at her with an amused expression.

"Well, I have no intentions of 'standing you up'. You thought wrong."

"I was joking…" Jennifer sighed, consciously aware of an awkward situation that was stemming from her choice of words. "Next time I'll avoid Earth idioms." She added quietly.

Their moment together was interrupted by two women walking down the hallway who suddenly began whispering loudly as they saw Ronon standing in front of Jennifer's quarters – and Jennifer seemingly dressed up for a night on the town.

"Oh great, the two biggest gossips…" Jennifer started, annoyed that she knew rumors would soon be circulating.

"Forget about them." Ronon growled. "Let them talk… it's all they're good at." Jennifer laughed and Ronon took in the sweet sound of her laughter. "Let's get going?" he asked, as he extended his arm to the hallway.

Jennifer stepped out into the hall, closed her door, and followed him.

"So… a movie…" Jennifer started to make small talk as they walked through the halls.

"Mmmmhmmm." Ronon said as they continued to walk.

"You picked out the film yourself?" Jennifer asked, impressed. "As long as it isn't Alien or Jaws…"

"Both very good movies." Ronon commented. Of course he would think that, Jennifer thought. Of course. "It's a surprise, though."

"Really?" Jennifer asked. They continued to walk through the halls.

"Really."

After a quick moment of silence, Jennifer continued to make small talk. "I'm probably going to be very busy at work the next few days." She smirked slightly as she said these words.

"Why do you say that?"

"New recruits… Marines and Airmen… coming in tomorrow on the Daedalus." Jennifer made a point of looking at Ronon when she said this. Ronon laughed lightly. "Between your sparring with Colonel Sheppard and your battering of new recruits, you keep me pretty busy."

"Wouldn't want you to get rusty, _Doc_," Ronon said with a smile.

"Well, when I'm not fixing up your handiwork I'm getting kidnapped, fighting off slimy alien bug viruses, and…"

"We're here," Ronon said as they stood in front of his room, causing Jennifer to smirk at him as he cut her off. Ronon extended his arm out and showed her into his quarters.

Very masculine, Jennifer noted. Had she not spent that time in the infirmary with Ronon during the quarantine, she would have been tenser. She had grown used to Ronon's presence and he struck her as somebody who was protective and comforting. Despite his hardened shell and stoic exterior, he always knew what to say.

Ronon looked on silently as Jennifer looked over his quarters. He saw her turn to the painting of the Satedan warriors and he heard a light chuckle slip out of her mouth, which warmed his heart. He had worried that she would be tense and distant, being with him. He could tell from the way she carried herself that she had been wronged by a man – he knew the signs all too well. When the Marines looked at her or tried to talk to her, she brushed them all away, coming up with excuses and mumbling something nervously to avoid any potentially further awkward situation.

He felt privileged, even, for being able to spend this time with her in his quarters.

"And a flat screen TV set!" Jennifer said with amazement. She didn't even have one. She smirked as she remembered the old clunky TV she had back on Earth.

"Sheppard's." Ronon commented.

"Impressive. I can't hook one of those things up to save my life."

"Maybe I'll show you sometime."

"Well, if we ever find ourselves on Earth together and I need to buy a flat screen TV, you're my go-to guy." Jennifer joked as she sat down on the couch in front of the TV. Ronon smiled at her as he saw her comfort level increase.

"And I'll hold you to that, Jen." Ronon said as he walked over to his dresser and took out the two DVD's. _Jen_, Jennifer thought. It ran off of his tongue in a way that she had never heard before. Hardly anybody called her Jen – only Lucy, who she still hadn't seen from her childhood. "And you have two options." Ronon said, showing her the DVDs. Jennifer's eyes widened as she saw what the options were.

"Aw, you remembered!" She exclaimed, noting that no man had really gone out of his way to show her that he remembered what she had said. Then again, Ronon was unlike any man she had ever met.

"Do you know what you want to watch, then?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith." She said, with a smile. "I don't think you'd enjoy Roman Holiday – most guys don't." The way in which Jennifer said this did not offend Ronon, something which she had not wanted to do. "I wouldn't want to spoil Rome for you." Jennifer added.

Ronon opened the DVD player and put in the disc for Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Grabbing the remote, he started the play the DVD and he walked over to turn off the lights.

"You're okay with this?" Ronon asked as Jennifer saw him.

"Sure." If it had been any other man on Atlantis, she would not have been okay with this. She trusted Ronon, however. After Ronon turned off the lights, he sat next to her on the couch. There were a few inches separating them. Ronon wanted to sit closer to her and feel her beside him, but he didn't want to alarm her in any way.

As the movie went on, Jennifer found herself relaxing and feeling at peace with the situation. She sighed lightly and curled up on the couch and leaned onto Ronon's shoulder. Ronon looked down at the woman that was now leaning against his chest; her presence made his heart race. He had not been in a situation like this in years, and it seemed entirely foreign to him. Ronon shifted slightly so that she would be more comfortable. As he did so, Jennifer pulled closer to him and they sat like this for the duration of the film.

Time seemed to pass quickly and with little effort. Jennifer had not been entirely engrossed in the film, as she found herself lost in her thoughts and emotions. Being so close to Ronon made her foolishly wonder the extent of his interest in her. The comfort that she felt from his presence removed any anxiety that she had about being in his room with him alone.

As the credits rolled, Jennifer pulled herself away from Ronon.

"I take it you enjoyed that." Jennifer said with a smirk as she turned to face Ronon.

"You could say that," Ronon said as he smiled and looked into Jennifer's eyes. Jennifer recognized his look and his smile – she remembered it from the infirmary during the imposed quarantine. She remembered how the doors opened and the city bounced back as if nothing had happened – and because the city had bounced back, _nothing _had happened. Jennifer had cursed Atlantis for its wicked ways.

Jennifer looked up into Ronon's eyes and smiled slightly. Ronon's smile, she noted, was something that he rarely showed. He looked down at Jennifer – her hair was slightly messy from the hour and a half spent resting on his chest, a look which Ronon most certainly did not mind. Without giving Jennifer time to think, Ronon brought her face closer to his with his hand.

He saw in her eyes feelings of uncertainty and nervousness. The woman before him thought too much, worried too much, and second guessed herself far too much. He knew the type.

"No quarantine this time? You're here by choice?" Jennifer blurted out randomly. Redness rushed to her face as she heard her own admission; she looked down to counter her embarrassment. Ronon looked at her and smiled slightly.

"You think all _this_," Ronon waved his hand in the direction of the TV set and onto the rest of his room, "is something that happened by mistake?" Jennifer shook her head.

"It's just… this…"

"Go on…" Ronon said huskily.

"Is new." Ronon flashed her a cheeky smirk as he heard Jennifer's words. He wondered which aspects of this situation were so novel to Jennifer, but he pushed the thoughts out of his head. Giving Jennifer little time to ask any other questions, he moved closer to her and kissed her.

This surprise had been right up there with the time when Jennifer realized that she had not killed herself after jumping off the highest diving board at the community pool – or, when she had seen her scores on her GMATs – or, even, when General O'Neill stood up for her in that boardroom full of self-important empty uniforms. After a quick second of feeling his warm lips against hers, Jennifer relaxed and let Ronon's tongue dart on her lips. She could feel his teeth lightly nip on her bottom lip, sending shivers up and down her spine.

Ronon moaned as Jennifer allowed him further access to her mouth; the moans which had escaped Ronon only served to make parts of Jennifer throb with excitement and anticipation. Ronon's kiss was hungry – an expression of feelings he had not felt or even dared to express in years – a testament to the triumph of passion and hope over longing and despair... A silent Hail Mary said in private, in a room lit by candles to counteract the darkness of the night outside…

Jennifer felt Ronon's arms wrap around her body, pulling her close to him. She took in his musky scent which was something entirely unique. The only guy she had ever romantically been with smelled sterile, as he had spent far too much time in an operating room cutting through layers of living flesh.

Ronon took one hand and raised it to the back of her head, caressing her hair. Jennifer could feel his fingers getting lost and tangled in her blonde mane. He pulled lightly on her locks as if to ferment her existence – to prove that she was real.

"_Jennifer…" _She heard the evil voice call out in her head. _He grabbed her by her long blonde hair… "You won't get away from me…" _Jennifer pulled away from Ronon suddenly and he looked at her with a sense of confusion. He looked deeply into her eyes and saw terror within her. Hurt rushed through Ronon and swam through his blood as he wondered what he had done to illicit such a reaction.

"I need," Jennifer said with a shaky voice, "to go."

"Jennifer." Ronon said quietly. "Did… I… do something?" He said slowly, dragging out each word, hoping to understand what transpired.

"I need to go." Jennifer mumbled as she rose from the couch and crossed her arms over her body, hugging herself. Ronon recognized that look – that terror – _shellshock_ was what they called it back on Sateda. The look the boy trainees had after their first kill – the look that made them real soldiers. The look that screamed of dread and terror – the look that was steeped in longing for better times.

"Who the fuck is he?" Ronon growled, recognizing this look as the one that Jennifer had given him when he had seen her so withdrawn. Jennifer's eyes widened as she heard the word 'he'. Ronon, at that moment, realized that his thoughts had been correct. A man, he realized, most definitely had hurt her. Ronon had tried to reserve the word 'hate' only for the Wraith – he really did. He failed, however, as he saw Jennifer's eyes widened. He hated that man with all of his heart, with all of his very being.

"I can't talk about it." Jennifer said quietly as her eyes grew wet with unshed tears. "I need to go."

"What did he do to you, Jennifer?" Ronon pressed, looking deeply into her eyes. He reached out and he held her in place with his arms, preventing her from leaving. "Tell me."

"I can't!" Jennifer shouted, the loudness of her voice shocking Ronon. He had never heard her shout or scream before. "You wouldn't understand!"

"Try me!" Ronon said firmly, his voice forceful.

"He…" Jennifer started, her bottom lip trembling. "He…"

"What the fuck did he do?" Ronon growled, with his voice full of hate and anger.

"I… I need to go. I need… I need an Ambien. I need… I have to go." Jennifer nervously mumbled to herself, almost as if she was unaware that Ronon had heard everything she said. Jennifer broke free of Ronon's arms and ran from the room as fast as she could. Ronon had never encountered anything like this before in his life – and he had seen a lot. Many Earth related things, Sheppard had taught him, could be summed up with one word: "_Women._" – almost always accompanied by a shrug of one's shoulders. This was not something that would fit into such a category – Ronon understood that this could be defined only by pure cruelty. Pure, evil cruelty.

When Jennifer reached her quarters she rushed in and locked the door behind her. Slinking to the floor, Jennifer sobbed as she hugged her body to protect herself from… herself, her past, her memories. She had thought things would be different. She had thought that she could wean herself off of the Ambien and Prozac – and she realized that she had thought wrong.

Jennifer forced herself into bed and curled into a ball, sobbing. She had not cried in months – it had felt like ages. After a moment she recollected herself and reached for the bottle of Ambien that was on her nightstand. She took a pill and swallowed it dry. Moments later, Jennifer drifted off to a dreamless sleep – her mascara had stained the pillows and smudged all over her face; her hair had become stringy, wet with the sweat of despair, and her body felt as if it was a hollow, empty shell.

The morning did not come easy – Jennifer awoke only to find herself in the same state she had drifted off to sleep in – sticky, upset, and alone. Some things, she thought, may never change.

John Sheppard walked into the gym that morning with a smile on his face and a certain spring in his hair – causing it, of course, to fly up every which way. The smile faded when his eyes met Ronon, who was ramming his fists violently into a punching bag.

"Uh, Ronon, buddy… it's not a Wraith." John said with a cautious voice.

Ronon shot him a blank look and continued to punch the bag with the core of his very being.

"You look like me after my ex-wife told me she wanted the dog." John said, hoping to lighten the situation. "I fucking loved that dog, too."

"I'm not in the mood, Sheppard." Ronon stopped punching the bag and walked over to Sheppard. "Spar?"

"It's eight in the morning, Ronon. At least let a man stretch a bit." Ronon shot him a serious look. "Do you, uh… wanna talk about it?"

Ronon shot him an angry look and didn't answer.

"I'll take that as a no." John said as he looked at the troubled man who stood before him. "But it will come out eventually."

John walked over to the middle of the gym and readied himself for an attack. Ronon took this as his cue and proceeded to charge John with everything he had. He would hold back little and apologize for nothing. He no longer had the patience.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **Thanks so much for reading my story. To my reviewers – thank you for taking the time to leave a nice note. It means so much! I encourage everybody who likes my story enough to add it on 'story alert' to drop a review from time to time. You know you want to. ;)

Hmmm, and two notes: there is an established Laura/Jen friendship… and as a disclaimer, I own nothing that you recognize from Stargate.

**Chapter 4**

The thuds of his fists against the punching bag grew more and more intense as the seconds wore on. Beads of sweat slipped from his hair line and onto his furrowed brow, all but obscuring his vision. In that moment, all that mattered was the arc of his fists into the dark red bag, fueled only by the intensity of his rage. Rage that wished to turn the flesh of the offender dark red like the punching bag… rage which boiled in his veins and produced a look in his eyes which warned the other men in the gym to beware… rage which would not subside when the small group of new recruits filed into the gymnasium with their fresh faces and their spiffy, well washed training clothes.

Training clothes, of course, which Ronon wished to make red. Dark red. Like the punching bag. Battle was something that was unpredictable, he was often told. He would show the recruits unpredictable.

John Sheppard stood in front of the Marines and Airmen. A few of the men looked at the man with the dreadlocks who had been beating the punching bag to a pulp. Some gazed at him with a sense of curiosity, wondering how such a man could be on a military base – a man who had been dressing in spite of every military code of attire. Others wondered who he was and why he was there in the first place.

"And this, gentlemen, is the man who will be training you." John said loudly, which he followed with a cough. As Ronon heard the cough he looked up and saw the group of men staring at him intently.

"Oh shit," muttered one of the Marines to his friend standing next to him. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

John Sheppard smiled inwardly as he pretended not to hear what the Marines behind him were saying. The expressions of the new recruits had always been the same, time and time again. And, time and time again, John took the same wicked pleasure out of watching them nearly piss themselves.

It was fear, he realized. A childish fear that you get when you realize that you've met something that the arbitrary rule book never told you about – a childish fear that you have always been led to believe will never present itself to you – a childish fear which you have been told will only be bigger than you if you believe it to be… But, no, this fear was real – this fear was Ronon – and he would still be bigger than you, even if you desperately tried to push him out of your mind with all of your being.

"He's been in a sour mood the past week, so excuse any gruff replies that he may send your way." John added with a sarcastic voice that was steeped in truth. This did little to assuage the fears of the new recruits. "Anyways, without further ado… I bring you to _Specialist_ Ronon Dex."

John said this with a smile.

"A specialist in what?" one of the Airmen muttered to his friend.

"A specialist in kicking ass, obviously…" answered his friend back, in a hushed whisper.

"Enjoy," John said loudly, speaking over the quiet whispers of the men. A few of the men were comforted, however this comfort was quickly removed when they realized that John's word of encouragement had not been directed toward them – it had, in fact, been an invitation to Ronon.

John stepped aside and watched Ronon as he pulled himself away from the dark red punching bag.

"It's nightfall. There's a wraith cruiser on the ground." Ronon said, emotionlessly. The men seemed totally uninterested – they had not expected some ancient folksy wisdom – they wanted to fight. "Hive in orbit." Ronon said as he looked at the eyes of the men. "Definitely a hive in orbit. Wraith queen on it, too." The men looked semi-amused, unsure of what to expect. Before any of the men could blink, Ronon pulled out his sword and mock-sliced into the men before him, slashing at the air all the while pushing them down. His sleek sword came within inches of a man's throat; another jab brought the tip of the blade within a centimeter of a fresh training uniform.

"And now your strike force has twelve dead men and four wounded men on the ground." The men suddenly became aware that Ronon Dex was serious. "And that makes two of you – two of you left against a hive of wraith. A hive." The word 'hive' now meant something to the recruits. "And there's no jumper cloaked waiting to pick you up. 'Daedalus isn't in orbit. I'm not there, Sheppard's not there, nobody's there to save your asses. Two against a hive." He dropped his sword and it hit the ground with a loud clang which resonated through the silent room.

"And the gate? You can't get through the gate. Wraith have it opened – battle tactic. Good one, too. You're trapped." Ronon looked angrily at the men. "Two against a hive. That's what happens when you don't take it seriously."

Fear. Yes, that's what it was. That childish fear that seems all the more arbitrary as the minutes go on – all the more unreasonable as you realize that nothing is controlled by reason.

"Wise up." Ronon said with authority. John stood on the sides with a smirk. It killed him, every time! Watching the fresh training uniforms and the boots, the smiles and the smirks, the confidence and the presumed strength… Yes, it killed him every time. Every time without fail.

"Half on the left, half on the right. Do it." Ronon said, again with authority.

And that – that was how Ronon began to train the new recruits that had been fresh off the Daedalus. That was the 'Good Ol' Atlantis Welcome' which John Sheppard told them so happily about.

And that was the 'Good Ol' Atlantis Welcome' which Dr. Jennifer Keller experienced later in the evening as seven wounded men – one of which with a sprained ankle and three of which required stitches – sulked into the infirmary.

"Ronon Dex." Jennifer muttered under her breath as she saw the purple bruising and redness of bloody wounds. The better part of an hour was spent sewing the men back together.

"You know him, Doc?" one of the Airmen asked as he looked up at the blonde doctor who was treating him.

"You could say that." She said, albeit with a tinge of annoyance in her voice.

"Is he always like that?"

"I'd prefer not to talk while I'm sewing your face, Lieutenant." Jennifer said, almost snapping at her patient. She never snapped at patients, she realized.

Jennifer craned her head and saw Colonel Sheppard and Ronon standing nearby. Ronon looked displeased as he saw the man who had been inches from Jennifer's face – the face which _he_ had been so close to earlier in the week – the face which calmed him down and made him feel human in an inhuman world.

"How nice of you to join us." Jennifer said sarcastically. "Come to see your handiwork?" she joked, looking at John but avoiding Ronon.

"Ronon's got a scratch." John said loudly.

"Oh?" Jennifer looked at Ronon slightly surprised. Redness rushed to her cheeks as she cursed whatever gods existed that she had found herself in this situation. She had tried to avoid Ronon for the past week. "Marie?" Jennifer called out.

"Doctor Keller." Marie said plainly, yet with a smirk. This was the typical scene in the infirmary after the first training bout for the new recruits.

"Ronon needs stitches." Jennifer said, unhappy with Ronon and John at that point in time, all the while cursing herself for her perceived childishness. Pushing Ronon onto a nurse wasn't the way to smooth the road between them.

"Doctor Keller, if I may ask, shouldn't we just trade places?" Marie asked in a hushed voice, referring to the stitching job that Jennifer was currently working on. "_He_ doesn't really take well to anybody's work but yours." Jennifer frowned slightly.

"Oh God damn it!" Jennifer snapped, causing Ronon and John to jump. "I'm busy – fixing up the results of _your _training session! Ronon, you'll just have to damn well settle for a nurse!" Jennifer looked at Ronon and John. John looked surprised, as he never really saw her react to Ronon in such a state.

"It doesn't matter." Ronon grumbled. The cut didn't feel _too_ bad. He, after all, had definitely felt worse at some point in his life. Without looking at Jennifer, Ronon walked out of the infirmary and began to walk out toward his quarters.

"Anything you wanna let me in on, Doc?" John asked, after Ronon left. "Do we have a problem on Atlantis?"

"Colonel Sheppard, with all due respect, I have been busting my butt day and night since those new recruits arrived – and I can't remember the last time I've slept… and what little time in here that isn't spent on fixing Ronon's aggressive training exploits is focused on that stupid Ancient database." Jennifer said these words firmly and confidently, yet quietly so only John could hear her. "And now I have one of your team refusing treatment by my fully capable medical staff – who, I need not remind you, are the best on Earth _and_ this bug infested galaxy – in _front _of the new recruits? Talk about undermining _my_ authority here."

John was taken aback by Jennifer's words. He had never heard her speak with such conviction. Her words actually caused him to respect her more, for he realized that she spoke quietly to avoid undermining his authority in front of the men under his command. Doc took note of things like that, he realized. After a moment of silent understanding which lasted only a few seconds, Jennifer smiled slightly.

"He's probably unhappy right now." She mused aloud.

"Eh, he's Ronon." John shrugged. "He'll come around."

xxxx

The night wore on in the infirmary as Jennifer finished the remainder of her paperwork. There was always a load of paperwork to be done, Jennifer lamented. Always. She always fancied that the position of CMO would come with the perks of being paperwork free – however she had been sorely mistaken. The position of CMO, to the contrary, came with mountains of medical work.

Jennifer's eyes drifted over to the photographs that were on her desk. A picture of her and her father at the beach in South Carolina sat on her desk next to a picture of her childhood dog, Doogie. She smiled as she looked over the photograph – and imagined herself relaxing, kicking back with a glass of white wine…

"Knock, knock…" The purposely loud yet melodious voice of Laura Cadman caused Jennifer to jump slightly. Jennifer's eyes lit up as she saw her friend in her doorway with a beaming smile.

"Laura!" Jennifer exclaimed. "I thought you were on the Daedalus for the next two weeks…"

"You know how I can't stay away…" Laura chuckled. "Still looking at Doogie while you're pretending to do paperwork?"

"You won't let me live that name down, will you? I was thirteen!" Jennifer said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Jen, I don't know of any thirteen year olds that would ever name their yellow lab after a pre-teen medical prodigy… well, besides you…" Laura reasoned with sarcasm as Jennifer gave her a look.

"You're just asking to help me with this paperwork." Jennifer shot back.

"I actually came here to ask you what's knocked you left of center. Heard from some of the recruits that you not only refused to treat Ronon but defended your infirmary like it was, I don't know, the Alamo…"

"Laura, the people defending the Alamo were killed by the Mexican Army." Jennifer said in a deadpan voice.

"Okay, bad example… but this warrants an explanation nonetheless."

"Ronon was making a scene… and I dealt with the problem. I can't have that going on when I'm working."

"Uh, Jen? I know for a fact that you never have problems when it comes to treating Ronon… in fact, you go out of your way to treat him." Laura raised an eyebrow. "Spill."

"We went on a date and I blew it and I ran home and I left him hanging." Jennifer said incredibly fast and in a hushed voice.

"Stop. Rewind." Laura said as she gave Jennifer a mock serious look.

"We went on a date. Ronon and I…" Laura smiled widely as Jennifer told her this.

"Now that's what I'm talking about, Keller! I was beginning to lose hope!"

"You were not." Jennifer retorted.

"Well, I was beginning to contemplate involving myself." Laura explained.

"You always contemplate involving yourself." Jennifer said with a slight smile.

"That's beside the point. So, you went on a date… Continue."

"And he kissed me, and I kissed him back, and I panicked because it brought up a bunch of shitty memories, and I ran out of his room and went back to my place… and I haven't spoken to him since…" Laura's eyes widened.

"For how long?"

"A little less than a week…" Jennifer said quietly.

"Damn it!" Laura moaned. "Now I _am_ going to have to get involved."

"It's not like that! It's… I just can't really talk about it, y'know? I need to figure it out… on my own." Jennifer was quiet. Laura thought every word out of her mouth sounded dubious at best. Sensing the somber mood the conversation had taken on, Laura grabbed a seat and sat next to Jennifer.

"Shitty memories, you say?" Laura asked in a quiet, subdued voice – a shift from her normal bubbly tone.

"Laura, I can't talk about it."

"I dare you."

"It's… complicated."

"I live on a space ship for three weeks at a time, my best friend lives in a floating city which has traveled through hyperspace, and my idea of fine dining, at this point in time, is a cheeseburger and a pint from a dive bar back in a city millions upon millions of light years away. Complicated? Try me."

Jennifer stretched out a bit and pulled her knees to her chest, still sitting in her chair. She looked away from Laura, who she did not have the courage to face.

"It's not something that happens to people like you." Jennifer said absentmindedly.

"What isn't?" Laura asked with a sense of confusion. "What are you talking about, Jen?"

"I've never talked to anybody about it before." Jennifer said quietly, and then looked at her office door as she said it. Laura took note of this and rose from her seat. She closed the door and then made a point of locking it.

"And nothing you tell me leaves this room." Laura said in a comforting voice.

"You have to promise not think less of me." Jennifer murmured, in a voice almost too quiet for Laura to hear.

"Nothing you could tell me would make me think that." Laura looked at her with kind eyes, all the while wondering whether or not Jennifer was crazy. Late twenties, head of a medical department on a top secret military base, beautiful, and crazy intelligent – Laura wondered what would compel anybody to think that Jennifer was less than extraordinary.

"You sure?" Jennifer asked, this time looking Laura in the eyes.

"Positive." Laura answered.

The two sat in silence for the next few moments, as Jennifer tried to make the words come out. Laura sensed that she was in the middle of an internal struggle. She took a back seat and watched as Jennifer wrestled with emotions and tried to make the proper words come out. Laura wondered what possibly could have happened to Jennifer – her friend who had an M.D. in diagnosing problems, finding solutions, and saving lives.

"It… uh… it happened back on Earth." Jennifer said, unsure of how to start. "In Chippewa Falls." Jennifer played with the sleeves on her jacket as she tried to continue. "This guy…" Jennifer's words faltered as she tried to tell the story… "He…"

Laura realized where the conversation was going, but didn't want to believe it. She clenched her fists into balls and tried to remain calm. This wasn't happening.

"He…" Jennifer continued. "Laura?" Jennifer looked to her friend with pleading eyes.

"I'm here for you, Jenny." Laura said, as she attempted a kind smile.

"What I'm trying to say is that… He… I was walking at night. It was a bad idea, but I thought it would be safe, 'cause it was safe every other time… But it wasn't safe… I should have thought about it more…"

"Jennifer. Stop second guessing yourself. If anybody hurt you, it was their fault. Continue, girl. You're really strong, you know that?" Laura said encouragingly as she took her friend's hand and held it. Jennifer paused for a few moments after Laura's words and tried to string the few words together.

"Laura, he raped me." Jennifer said quietly with her eyes closed. This was the first time she had ever told anybody. The medications she got for the stress and nightmares were always self-prescribed. She never told a psychiatrist of a psychologist about what had happened.

"Jenny?" Laura said with wet eyes and a voice that she tried to keep calm. "Why the hell would you think I would think less of you for that?" Laura's voice wavered as she tried to remain strong. The anger had swelled within her and she wanted nothing more than to castrate the bastard who hurt her best friend.

"Jenny… I think you're not answering because you know, deep down, that it isn't your fault." Laura said trying to stay strong. Her strength was faltering. "It's his fault." She added quietly.

Laura could hear her friend sobbing quietly to herself as she curled up in her chair. The mascara that Jennifer had carefully applied was smudged and it trailed lightly down her face. It could have been fifteen minutes… or thirty… or even an hour. Laura held her best friend in silence. The tears poured out, as a form of catharsis that Jennifer had been in search of for so long. Laura didn't know what to say or what to do, so she held her close, and cried along with her.

After an amount of time that neither could measure, the two women sat up.

Laura reached for the box of tissues that Jennifer kept on her desk and offered the contents up to Jennifer, who gladly pulled a few out of the box. Laura did the same.

"Jen…" Laura said, as Jennifer's eyes met hers. "I just want you to know that regardless of what you think, you're the bravest person I know."

"Coming from a woman who was in Desert Storm?" Jennifer asked quietly.

"Especially coming from a woman who was in Desert Storm." Laura said with a slight smile evident in her voice. "And… anybody who thinks less of you for being a survivor is, if you'll excuse my language, a piece of shit. Not even worthy of thinking about, either. So don't think about that." Laura sat up straight and Jen did the same. "And that guy – that pig – that waste of air – he wants you to live in fear. What he did can't control you, because it isn't who you are. And you can't let it think that it's what you are, because deep down, you sure as hell know that you're worth a lot more than that."

Jennifer wiped the tears from her face and blotted her mascara with tissues.

"I'll be damned if I sit here and watch what that piece of shit did to you affect you here. I'll be damned." Laura said with authority. "And, you, Keller, made the sorry-ass mistake of chatting me up on that three week flight on the Daedalus. 'Cause, you know, you're saddled with me until we're both stardust – until the end of time. And I'm not going to let this crap eat you up. I won't." Laura rose from her seat and stretched out, as if to show Jennifer her strength and determination.

"He's still out there." Jennifer added quietly.

"Not if I have a pretty little thing to say about it." Laura answered. "That guy doesn't have a snow flake's chance in hell."

Jennifer rose and stood next to Laura. This was something that she knew she would never be able to get over completely. Time would not completely heal the pain; nothing would be capable of undoing what happened. Telling Laura what had happened had made things a lot easier however, as she realized that when it came to this issue, she had an ally. She wasn't completely alone.

"And Jen?" Laura inquired.

"Yes ma'am?" Jennifer said, this time with a smile evident in her voice as she felt Laura's will to live wash over her.

"I have it on good authority that you've been holed up in this here infirmary for the past six hours. You, me, mess hall, hot chocolate… Now!"

xxxx

Ronon sat next to John on the balcony adjacent to the mess hall. A few cans of Budweiser lay between the men who had sat out on the floor of the balcony, staring out over the endless ocean illuminated by two moons.

A slight noise pulled Ronon's attention away from the waves. John, too, sensed the noise and saw Laura Cadman and Jennifer Keller enter into the mess hall. John observed the two women retrieve drinks and sit at one of the tables. The pair seemed lost in conversation.

John watched Ronon look at Jennifer. In Ronon's eyes he saw hurt, confusion, determination, and a willpower that could not be matched.

"So, how about you tell me what happened between you and Jennifer?" John asked, hating that he had to wait so long for an answer. The lack of food and the abundance of beer no doubt loosened Ronon up.

"She… uh… she walked out on me." Ronon said, the effects of the beer evident with his honesty. "We started kissing… and she liked it. I could feel it. And then something happened. It was something I had only seen once before, and it was… she had this look of terror on her face. The same look of terror I saw when a new recruit of mine, back on Sateda, watched his best friend and fellow soldier get culled by a wraith… right in front of him. She just… she was horrified, Sheppard."

John was shocked at Ronon's admission, in part because Ronon rarely spoke so candidly… and also in part because he was incredibly worried about Jennifer.

"Somebody hurt her, Sheppard. Back on Earth." Ronon said grimly, as John stared out over the sea while taking a swig from his beer. "And… I don't know what the hell to do."

"It's unfortunate… but, that happens a lot on Earth." John commented.

"Men hurting women to the point where they look like they've been through battle?" Ronon said with anger rising in his voice.

"When I was a child, I used to be afraid of monsters. It used to consume me. But when I grew up… I realized that people were the only monsters." John said this grimly. "We don't have the wraith hanging over our heads. People live until they're ninety five years old. A luxury, really. People aren't thinking solely about survival, so they go out to take things. To control things. To _conquer_ things. Because they can. Because they aren't worrying about somebody killing off their entire family and enslaving their planet." John finished his beer and crushed the can with little effort. "It happens all of the time, Ronon."

"I hate that."

"Well, you and me both." Sensing that Ronon was not satisfied with their conversation, he decided to continue speaking. "You know what you should do here? Give Jennifer space. Somebody hurt her, and that downright sucks. Be there for her, show her that you care… and if she's ready to tell you about what happened, she'll do it. It's probably really hard for her. She's probably afraid of what you'll think."

"But if somebody hurt her, it wouldn't be her fault…" Ronon reasoned as he stared down the larger moon orbiting the planet.

"And you'll show her that by being there for her." John said. "It's all you really can do."

"I hate waiting while I know that." Ronon said as he turned to look at Cadman and Jennifer speaking to each other.

"That's life, Chewie. Hang tough."

Jennifer, meanwhile, rose from her seat with Laura. The two walked toward their quarters together, talking about how they would rather be vacationing in Hawaii, sipping on frozen margaritas, and living the good life. The laughter permeated through the halls and echoed throughout the seemingly quiet city, filling it with life and youth. Laura was relieved to hear her best friend's laughter; it lit up her heart.

As the two women walked toward their quarters, Ronon sat in silence with John, watching the moons illuminate the dark ocean surrounding their home.

He hated waiting.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note**: Thank you so much for keeping up with this story. I'm sorry that I've taken so long to update. I appreciate all of your kind reviews, which have been most encouraging. Now that the semester is finally winding down I can set some time aside for working on my various stories. I hope that you all enjoy this chapter and review to let me know what you think.

**Chapter 5**

Jen stretched out her legs while she sat on a yoga mat in her room. After a few moments of stretching, she laced up her sneakers and began to roll her ankles and loosen up her shoulders. She then ran out of her room and locked the door.

The hallways of Atlantis all looked quite similar. The stress of the day seemed to melt away when Jennifer ran through the halls at night. She made a point not to stray too far from the inhabited part of the city. The fact that so much of the city remained unexplored, uncharted, and unknown actually scared her. From previous reports, she realized that her anxiety was well placed… considering that there had been living shadow creatures, deadly alien experimental diseases, and bodies in stasis… The thought of running into a millennia-old Ancient actually scared the living daylights out of her.

Her sneakers hit the floor with a steady rhythm, barely making a sound. She was quick with her speed and light on her feet – evidence of a few years of steady running. Jennifer wondered, at times, what compelled her to run in the first place.

And when she was on her medication, she didn't quite know the answer… rather, she knew, but she pushed it to the back of her mind, hoping to forget. Since she had decided to wean herself off of the Prozac, she was beginning to see and feel things more clearly.

She ran, she realized, because of _him_. Jen started running a month after it happened, but never quite chalked it up to the event itself. She had buried it with other emotions, tasks, and trivial things. The running was a release, something that gave her a sense of control.

Yet, after talking to Laura earlier that past week, Jennifer knew exactly why she ran. She ran because she couldn't get away from the man – the memory – that chased her. The sounds her feet made grew louder and louder as she ran with more intensity. Her body moved faster through the hallways; she was prepared to go on for miles if she had to.

As Jennifer rounded the next corner rather tightly, she felt her body slam into another person.

She heard a groan that she knew all too well. Ronon Dex. Jennifer figured that this moment would happen at some point – she'd have to face him alone after avoiding him. A large part of her felt incredibly foolish for treating Ronon in the way that she did… yet another part of her wondered what else she possibly could have done. She remembered the taste of his lips and the pleasurable feel of his hands running through her hair. She felt these things as if they had happened only moments ago. As she stood in front of Ronon, looking up at him, her lips trembled in anticipation for the kiss that she felt she threw away.

"Jen." He said, almost out of breath, as he had been running for the better part of an hour. He was surprised to see her, as he didn't expect her to be out at such a late hour running through the city. Hell, he didn't even know she ran. "You run a lot?"

"Sometimes…" Jennifer commented. "It helps me take control of my thoughts," she added, biting her lower lip. "About last time we were… uh…" Jennifer looked down, unsure of how to string together the words. "I wanted to… you know… apologize…"

"You don't have anything to be sorry for." Ronon answered, reaching out with his hand to lift up her head. "If you want to talk about what you thought about, though…"

"I can't right now." Jennifer cut Ronon off quickly, with an incredibly nervous voice. Ronon frowned slightly as he felt she was growing anxious.

"When you're ready…" Ronon finished the sentence that Jennifer had interrupted. "I'll be waiting."

"Thanks, Ronon." Jennifer said with a slight smile, looking up into Ronon's eyes. She didn't see within his eyes any sense of anger; rather, she saw a sense of compassion which she had likened immediately to Laura or her father. For the first time in a very long time, she felt completely at peace. The look which Ronon gave her instilled within her a sense of calm that quelled the worries within her. "It… it really means a lot. And… I really am sorry about that – you know, what happened the other night… It won't happen again." Jennifer added, unsure of how exactly to handle the situation.

With those words, Ronon's heart sank. He wondered what she meant by 'it won't happen again'. What was _it_? Did she want him to forget about her breakdown – he wouldn't – or did she want him to forget about seeing her again on a date – he couldn't do that either. Before Ronon could ask Jennifer exactly what she meant by _it_, Jennifer began to speak.

"I'm going to head back now… I'll see you later, Ronon." Jennifer turned to run back to her quarters for the evening. After bumping into Ronon, there was no way she'd be able to accomplish what she set out to do on her run – lose her worries.

"You have to stop running sometime, Jen." Ronon said quietly to himself as he watched the blonde woman retreat back into the dark halls of the Ancient city. Ronon then realized that he and Jennifer were very alike – as he had been running for most of his life.

&&&

_**The next evening…**_

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Laura said as she plopped down on Jennifer's bed with an old copy of an American tabloid magazine.

"I didn't think I'd have to come up with something that quick!" Jennifer retorted.

"Leave it to you to run into Mr. Big and Burly while you're jogging! And… you told him _it wouldn't happen again_?! Are you crazy?" Laura looked at Jennifer with wide eyes. Laura began to flip through the magazine nonchalantly, finally settling on a page entitled 'Worst Dressed at the Academy Awards – Highlights'.

"What was I supposed to say? It's not like I brought a script with me!" Jennifer protested as she began to apply a coat of nail polish onto her fingernails.

"How about, gee, I don't know, _'Oh, thanks Ronon, thanks for giving a shit'_!" Laura said in a high voice as she looked over the magazine page. "He's not going to know what you meant by _it_!"

Jennifer shot Laura one of her looks and then continued painting her nails.

"He's not stupid, Laura."

"Jen, he's a _guy_, even if he isn't from good ol' Earth. I'll bet you two issues of In Touch Magazine and a whole box of Malt Balls that he misunderstood you!" Jen sighed as she heard Laura's exclamation – she realized that there was no way in hell she'd win that bet even if she tried. Panic washed over her as she realized that Ronon most likely would have misunderstood what she meant. "You should probably man up and _talk_ to him."

"I'm not gambling with coveted magazines and candy, Laura, just so you know." Jennifer said solemnly.

"See? All the more reason to talk to him!" Laura reasoned. "I heard something about him and Sheppard training in the gym…"

"You mean now?!" Jennifer said all the while looking at her freshly painted fingernails.

"Eh, I'll give you twenty minutes to let your second coat of polish dry. Can't have my best friend looking like a hot mess, can I?" Laura smirked as she looked at a picture of Jennifer Lopez in a hideous dress.

&&&

Ronon and John stood in the center of the gym across from each other. They had been fighting for a long time, to the point where their shirts were soaked through to their body. John pulled his shirt off and Ronon did the same. Ronon used his shirt to wipe the sweat off of his brow. He shot John a fierce look, which John reciprocated.

"Best of five." John announced nonchalantly, running a hand through his hair.

"I thought you said best of three." Ronon said with a smirk.

"Well, now I say it's best of five." John commented sarcastically.

Ronon rolled his eyes and nodded, submitting to John's request.

Without blinking, the two charged at each other and engaged in fierce hand to hand combat. John had been training extensively with Ronon over the past few months, spending hours on end in the gym, much to the chagrin of the staff in the infirmary. John could feel that Ronon was preoccupied – though he was winning, his movement was slower than usual, as if he was thinking while he was engaging in combat.

A soft female cough from the gym door brought Ronon and John out of their fierce fight. John turned his eyes to the door and smiled slightly, in an almost amused fashion. Ronon shot John a stern look.

"Well, I believe that means I'll be giving you a rain check." John smiled, using his discarded shirt to wipe the sweat from his body. Unbeknownst to John or Ronon, Jennifer stood in the doorway blushing at the two bare-chested men in the gym. She turned around to collect her thoughts. _Damn them for being intimidating_, she cursed. _Damn them_. Jennifer turned back to face the gym and saw John putting on an extra shirt that he brought. There was no way Laura wasn't finding out about this… and when Laura found out about it… she cringed to think of the teasing that would follow.

Ronon turned around to face Jennifer and he gave her a slight smirk. At that moment, Jennifer felt incredibly angry with herself for potentially hurting Ronon while she was jogging last night. She also cursed inwardly at the fact that she could have very well been drooling, which she knew would only cause Ronon to smirk even more.

"A woman can't catch a break…" Jennifer mumbled to herself.

John realized immediately when he looked at Ronon and the doctor that something had transpired between them that needed to fixed. John hoped that Ronon would find some of the peace he was looking for – hell, he didn't want to be paying for it in gym the next evening. He finished toweling his face off and made his way to the door.

"Well, it's been lovely… err… training with you tonight, Ronon." John said with a slight smirk.

"That's what they call it these days?" Jennifer quipped, eyeing some of the light cuts on John's face. John looked away, hoping the Doc wouldn't make a big deal out of it. She touched his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. "A few band-aids and some rubbing alcohol…" she said quietly with a smile. John ran a hand through his hair casually and nodded to Ronon and Jennifer. With his trademark gesture, he left the two alone in the gym.

"Ronon." Jennifer said, knowing full well why she was standing in the gym but completely unsure of how to make her words come out.

"Jen." Ronon replied, shooting her a smirk that threatened to make her weak in the knees.

"I… happened to be walking by the gym…" she started, looking at the ground, wringing her hands lightly. "And I wanted to just let you know, in case you were wondering…" Ronon continued to look on at her amused. One of his dreadlocks fell out of the tied mass on his head which had been coming undone throughout his sparring session with John. His smirk did not abate, however. "I… uh… I just wanted to thank you for being there for me, you know…" Jennifer struggled to make the words come out without appearing to herself as juvenile. _Tell him!_ She heard Laura's voice screaming in her head.

Ronon continued to look at her with a spark in his vibrant eyes.

"And… I didn't mean to push you away earlier. I… would like, very much, if we could re-do that date that went sour the other night." Jennifer said cautiously, unsure of whether or not Ronon really wanted to go through the trouble. She smiled slightly, looking up at Ronon, feeling him out for an answer.

"I was hoping you'd say that." Ronon replied smiling. He had been worried that Jennifer had somehow been frightened by him.

"And… I think it would be best if we just, you know… took it.."

"Slow?" Ronon supplied. All truth be told, this did not bother him. He had been incredibly worried about Jennifer. Though the memory of their kiss made parts of him ache and throb, he couldn't help but feel that he had, perhaps, silently asked too much of her far too soon.

"Yeah." Jennifer nodded. "I think it would be for the best." She added quietly.

"I do too." Ronon agreed. He had wanted to say _'Because I'm worried about you_," but decided against it. Maybe it was a skill learned from being a soldier and later a runner – divulging more information than necessary too early on in the game often did more harm than good. Jennifer flashed Ronon a contagious smile and looked into his dark eyes.

"Ronon?" Jennifer asked, testing the waters. "How about we re-do that date tomorrow?" The boldness that had long lived within Jennifer Keller's body became readily evident as her confidence increased.

"No arguments here." Ronon replied, wondering what sort of date he could come up with on the spot. He realized that he would probably end up going to Sheppard for advice, unsure of how exactly to proceed. Courting traditions on Sateda were vastly different from the "dating" customs that Ronon observed Earth's people as adhering to. Ronon chalked it up to Earth never dealing with the wraith. On Sateda, industrial as it was, felt a sense of reproductive urgency. Marriages came at young ages and children were produced quickly – something Ronon was never sure he could come to terms with about ten years prior – because of the necessity brought on by the threat of culling.

"I would love," Jennifer started, suddenly aware that she was taking control of the situation, "to have lunch on one of the piers. I haven't sat out there, even though I've been here all this time." Ronon was relieved that Jennifer had come up with an idea – he was also relieved, in part, because she had spoken freely and without any sense of nervousness or fear. Ronon held out hope that some things, no matter how dreadful, could be conquered.

"I'll pick you up at 'noon?" Ronon inquired, sealing the deal.

"I would love that, Ronon." Jennifer said with a sense of unmasked pleasure. After embracing the thought for a brief moment, Jennifer opened her mouth to speak. "I'd better get back to my room. Laura's probably wondering why I'm taking so long."

"I thought you said you _happened_ to be walking by the gym…" Ronon said with a sense of amusement.

"Well, when I _happened_ to be walking by the gym, I also _happened _to be looking for you so we could talk." Jennifer corrected Ronon with a laugh. "You'll make a tracker of me yet!" Ronon laughed along with Jennifer at her statement.

Her laughter rang through Ronon's ears, the evidence of joy that could not be smothered by any type of trauma. Her eyes were bright and full of life; her laughter bore witness to her youth and the lightness of her being. Her laughter was contagious, instilling within him a sense of hope and pleasure.

These thoughts would swim through Ronon's mind as he drifted off to sleep in his bed that night. Jennifer's laughter danced within his soul, ushering him into a peaceful world of dreams.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note**: Oh man. It has been a LONG time! I appreciate you all sticking with this story. It means a lot. I also appreciate any reviews or comments you may have… don't be shy! Keep the muse going!

**Chapter 6**

Darren Arnold casually strolled through the small grocery store in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin. He always came to Mr. Samson's market – religiously every Tuesday for as long as he could remember. He had adjusted to small town life better than he thought he would, coming from the south side of Boston and all… it had been a change, but it was a necessary one.

Darren Arnold wasn't born Darren Arnold. He was born James O'Sullivan. When the his new neighbors in Chippewa Falls asked him why he moved out to their neck of the woods, he lied and said that he moved here because his Aunt Ellen had visited the town many years ago and fell in love with it. Darren Arnold, of course, had showed up in Chippewa Falls conveniently after an arrest warrant for James O'Sullivan was issued.

James O'Sullivan, of course, was wanted for the rape of four different women throughout Boston. Chippewa Falls was a random stop on his long journey from the east coast of the United States. He picked his name after talking with a few of the passengers on the Grey Hound bus ride from Chicago deep into Wisconsin. He wanted obscurity; he wanted to sever all ties with his past.

His habits, however, didn't change.

The water around Atlantis moved with a sense of purpose; it was full of life, as was the city it surrounded. Jennifer stood on her balcony and gazed out over the vast ocean. The sunlight danced over the various shades of cerulean. The smell of the salt water rose through the air and was carried by a light zephyr that had brought it upward to Jennifer's balcony. In Wisconsin, Jennifer had been landlocked. The thought of going to the ocean always seemed to be a rare treat.

_Study hard and work diligently_, she heard her father say. _One day, all of that hard work will pay off and you'll be able to have a home by the ocean_. A home by the ocean: the ultimate marker of success, the ultimate image of freedom. As a child, Jen found the ocean a difficult concept to fathom. At the age of nine, Jen went with her father to the beach in Florida. The Atlantic Ocean terrified her and instilled within her a sense of awe: Jen felt small. As a grown woman, however, the ocean seemed small compared to the mass of all of the other oceans she had seen – the oceans of other planets and worlds combined together to form a larger mass. And, of course, on top of that, the oceans combined would always fall short when compared to the unlimited expanse of space.

When Jen thought of outer space, she didn't know what to feel. Sometimes, her problems felt extremely small and insignificant. At other times, she felt as if gravity was a force only applicable to herself. Jen heard a knock on her door, however, and was torn away from her thoughts.

For the first time in a long time, she was absolutely confident. After Laura pushed her to reconcile with Ronon the previous night, Jen took the initiative and went out of her way to ask Ronon on another date. She walked towards her door and waved her hand over the Ancient console.

Ronon stood before her with a bag containing two lunches and a blanket. He had intended to take Jennifer out onto the pier as she wanted. He would occasionally go out there at night with Sheppard and they would dangle their feet over the Lantean sea water. On those nights, Ronon felt as if he was truly at home among friends. The pier – his favorite spot on Atlantis – calmed him in a way that no other place did.

"Hey Jen." Ronon said with a smile as he saw Jennifer. Jennifer's lips curled upwards into a smile as she saw the bag and blanket that Ronon had brought. She could hear the faint whispering of women walking down the hall once again. The sound of the women always seemed to plague her, making her feel as if she was still a teenager. She rolled her eyes and sighed, gestures which were not lost on Ronon. "C'mon, let's get out of here." He added, aware that she was beginning to feel slightly uncomfortable by the women walking by.

"Sounds good to me." Jennifer replied.

Ronon walked with Jennifer through the winding halls of the city. The two made their way outside after about five minutes of walking. The pathway to the pier was long – it had looked much less lengthy from the control tower, Jennifer mused. As she and Ronon walked to the sea, Jennifer couldn't help but look up at the city that now surrounded her. To think that the city itself was a space ship was simply awe inspiring.

"I come out here a lot to think." Ronon said suddenly. The salt air hit Jennifer's nostrils in full force and she was instantly brought back to the Florida sea shore. It had been too long since she smelled ocean air up close. "It reminds me of a spot on Sateda, right by the biggest port in the main city."

"A vast portion of Earth is made up of water." Jennifer added. "But… Wisconsin is landlocked. The closest things we have to ocean are the Great Lakes. They're really big – and they have beaches – but it's just not the same as the real ocean." Ronon and Jennifer continued to walk down the pier. In a few short moments they reached the end of one of the docks. Ronon unfolded the blanket he brought and set down the lunch bag on it.

Jennifer smirked as she saw that the blanket had "USAF FOOTBALL" printed in a collegiate font across its width.

"You got this from Sheppard, I take it?" she quipped, already sure of Ronon's answer. Ronon smiled. He sat down and motioned for her to do the same.

"The sandwiches were pretty plain… nothing too special… but I got you extra fruit cups." Ronon explained, as he began to take out the contents of the paper bag.

"It's fine. The food's always pretty plain – but anything more elaborate than a Power Bar right now is fine dining to me." Jennifer sighed. "I don't get out of the office much."

"A lot of people think that." Jennifer raised an eyebrow at Ronon's admission. "Teyla. McKay. Sheppard, even. They think you spend way too much time in your office, locked up when everybody else is done for the day. Like you're trying to prove yourself when you don't need to."

"They haven't seen the mountain of paperwork, Ronon." Jennifer joked, not quite wanting to explain how work was, in essence, her therapy.

"You should take a break sometime." Ronon added, knowing full well that he couldn't pry Jennifer away from her work. Jennifer smiled and then proceeded to open one of the sandwich containers.

Mindy Williams stood patiently on the checkout line at Mr. Samson's market. She was dressed in casual business attire, just off of her shift at the office. The "12 Items or Less" express checkout line had been moving remarkably slow. Mindy sighed as she cursed herself for not buying the ingredients for her pasta sauce when she had gone shopping earlier in the week.

As Mindy finally got to the front of the line, she began to place her items on the conveyor belt. A slim acne-ridden teenage checkout clerk slowly rang up the items with a sense of nonchalance. Mindy sighed, once again, running a hand through her shoulder length blonde hair. She hated the idea of getting home late and making dinner even later – it was particularly annoying, considering she still had homework to do. She was taking an online course at the local community college, hoping to get her MBA.

Mindy paid for her items and then made her way out of the store and into the parking lot. Her white Honda Civic was parked close to the market, but it had gotten dark out when she was inside. Mindy hated the dark.

Darren Arnold smiled inwardly as he saw the woman he had been watching for two days. She was alone now – finally, that obnoxious boyfriend of hers was out of the picture – and she looked tired. He found that things were easier for him when he faced tired women – especially at night. While she had gone into the super market, Darren had stood behind her car… waiting.

He was fortunate that night: fortunate because Mindy was alone, fortunate because the parking lot was relatively empty, and fortunate because Mr. Sampson hadn't replaced the light bulbs illuminating the store front. He had a number of factors on his side.

As the woman fumbled for her keys, Darren decided that it was time to make his move.

"Mindy." He said in raspy voice – he had been rather weary himself – as he neared her. Mindy's eyes widened as she saw the unidentified man closing in on her – he was holding a knife. "Don't scream." He said this in a soothing voice. She would have rather have heard him scream it – the calm of his voice made her drip with fear. For the first time in a long time, Mindy Williams was afraid.

Ronon sat with Jennifer on the pier and the two looked out over the water. The stars, as Jennifer always noted, were different. The salt water of the ocean, however, remained familiar. The scent, for an instant, reminded her of the Pacific Northwest.

"Were there oceans on Sateda?" Jennifer asked as she looked out over the inky water. The waves beat up against the pier with a sense of purpose. She could hear birds in the distance.

"There were three." Ronon answered quietly. He didn't want to talk about Sateda – not now. He used to sit on the dock near the main city and hold Milena in his arms. They would listen to the bobbing of boats tied to the pier; the sunset was always particularly beautiful. They would sit in silence – they would rarely speak – because they didn't need words.

He hadn't thought of Milena in a long time. He wondered to himself… he wondered if he could ever move on. He wanted to – he wanted so desperately to accept the past… but it ate at him. Late one night, John had suggested to him that they should take out the wraith who had ordered the attack on Sateda. _"He's too strong, Sheppard._" Ronon heard his response play over in his head. John didn't believe in no-win scenarios, Ronon reasoned. He couldn't fathom that there was one wraith too strong to be outwitted or blown to bits. _"If we could find him…_" Sheppard would always mutter back to Ronon, pressing the issue… _"He can't be found._" Ronon always responded in the same fashion and grunted slightly, a clearl indication that the topic should be dropped – or else Sheppard would really feel his lack of desire to speak about the issue in their training sessions.

"You okay?" Jennifer asked softly, sensing that she had said something wrong.

"I'm fine." Ronon stretched out his arms and gave Jennifer a smile – a smile that she instantly recognized was forced – and then continued to gaze out over the sea.

Mindy Williams lay slumped against her car, unsure of what to do next. Her eyes were glazed over and she felt – for the very first time – that she was absolutely alone. It was the acne-ridden teenage checkout clerk from the store that found her up against her car. Mindy smelled blood – she didn't know where she was bleeding, but she was sure she was. She couldn't think and she wouldn't think; everything seemed like a blur. She knew where she was but she didn't know where she was – the scenery was swimming around her as if she was trapped in the middle of a whirlpool.

She felt somebody beside her – the checkout clerk – and then she closed her eyes. The man was gone – the man who had known her name – he was gone. She could close her eyes now. He was gone. She was sure of that.

Moments later – it could have been an hour – she saw flashing blue and red lights. There was a police siren. She kept her eyes closed. She felt her body being lifted – or was she floating? - and then she found herself looking up at the ceiling of a moving automobile. She felt a needle prick her arm. She closed her eyes once more.

Jennifer sat at her desk checking over her emails. Her email from Earth was always updated instantly when Atlantis had its scheduled check in with the SGC. A cup of tea sat on her desk next to her computer keyboard. She smiled as she saw that she had two emails from Laura, one from a medical school friend, and two from her father. She opened her father's messages first.

The first one was generally pleasant – he told her about their dog, Doogie… he discussed something humorous that happened at his job… and he reminisced over a conversation that they had had a few months before she had left for Atlantis. She looked at the second email's timestamp and saw that it was sent thirty minutes after the first message. Frowning, she wondered if something was wrong. Her father gave her weekly updates – but she never received two emails from him.

"_Jenny,_

_I read a terrible story in the news just now. Do you remember Mindy Williams? She went to high school with you."_ Jennifer paused and sifted through her memories. Mindy sat behind her in biology class and was generally very nice to Jennifer – even though she was a good four years older. _"She was attacked outside of Sampson's Grocery last night. She died from her injuries in the hospital hours later._" Jennifer gasped. The only casualties she had known were casualties of war – the men and women who had gone through the 'Gate on missions… only to return home as victims of malevolence, hate, and greed. Pushing the thoughts out of her head, she continued to read her father's message. _"The police say she was raped, Jenny. It's the seventh one that's happened in the area. Nobody knows what to do – this has never happened before, not on this scale."_

"God damn it!" Jennifer shouted out loud, kicking the back of her desk with a sense of rage that could have killed a wraith on sight. "Fucking bastard!" she slammed her fist onto the top of her desk, almost knocking over her tea cup. Her eyes were red and she felt hot anger simmer throughout her body, flowing through her veins and taking control of her.

A few loud knocks later, she turned to the door to find Laura eying her with a sense of concern. Laura diffused bombs for a living – she had a keen eye for what others would quickly dismiss as trivial – she knew something was wrong. Inviting herself into Jen's office, she pulled up a chair and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Spill."

**Author's Note: **That's the end of this update… but the writing bug bit once again so I'll try to update as regularly as I can.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note**: This chapter picks up right where chapter 6 left off. To get an idea of what's going on, re-read that chapter – or at least the last few paragraphs of it. I know it's been a really long time… so you'll probably need to re-read.

I apologize for the length of time it's taken me to revisit this story. I appreciate the reviews that I've received for this story, as they compel me to keep writing. It's nice to feel that my story is being appreciated – often times I don't, and my muse tends to wander.

I appreciate the encouraging words of **hifield** and **Kittenz714**, both of whom reminded me that I left this story in the middle of nowhere – and also who made me realize that I shouldn't stop writing, no matter how busy things get. It means a lot.

All errors are proudly my own… and, of course, as per usual, feedback is appreciated.

**Chapter 7**

"Spill." The words came out of Laura's mouth before she could think about what she was saying. Deep down, she knew full well that this had something to do with what happened to Jen. She knew Jen very well – she could read her emotions with little effort.

Jen sat at her desk, and averted her eyes from her computer. She locked eyes with Laura, standing in the doorway. Laura saw the redness in Jen's eyes. She quickly scanned the room and saw a broken teacup and papers strewn across the floor.

"It's him, isn't it…" Laura started cautiously. She didn't know how to approach the issue. She felt strange, not knowing how to diffuse a volatile situation like this one – she was, after all, in charge of cracking codes and diffusing bombs to save lives. This was a ticking time bomb, she realized, and she needed to do something quick.

Jen nodded with a sense of defeat. "He's… He's out there, Laura." The words were soft. "He's out there, back home… at Chippewa Falls. I knew it when I had left – I had read about a rape in the paper… but… he's… _killed_ this one. He killed a woman I went to high school with… his _seventh_…"

"God damn it!" Laura was enraged. She had tried to keep her emotions in check but she was finding that it was far too difficult.

"Laura, I never reported it…" Jen looked down. "I didn't want anybody to talk… it's a small town..." Laura and Jen both understood what this meant – the man had raped at _least_ seven women. There was no telling how high the real number was.

"Jen…" Laura sighed. She had to approach this situation with a sense of caution that was relatively unknown to her. "You need to go back to Chippewa Falls and report this."

Jen shook her head – almost violently.

"You don't understand, Laura."

"Jen, we have powerful friends! _You_ have powerful friends! We could –"

"You don't understand, god damn it!" Jen shouted, shocking Laura. "You don't get it, do you?" Jen's eyes were full of tears. Laura didn't know how to respond – she had never heard Jen raise her voice like that. It concerned her. "I _see_ this guy in my sleep! He follows me! He haunts me, Laura, every single damned day!" Jen was shouting loudly. Her voice echoed through the halls near her office.

"I'm sorry, Jenny." Laura said quietly, after silently looking at the woman before her. "I won't even attempt to try and know what things are like, okay? I'm sorry."

Jen looked down and suddenly felt ashamed.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you." Jen sighed, trying to find the correct words to express her feelings. "People like him… they breed destruction, you know? They ruin. That's what they do. They hunt people down and leave them torn apart… so that the people around them have to scramble together to pick up the pieces. And then it eats away at them, and the people around the, until it's too much for anybody to take… It's… it's not human. It's wraith-like."

Laura nodded her head and went over to her friend. She began to pick up some of the papers from the floor – she didn't want Jen to stress out anymore over things.

Jen nodded in thanks as she saw what Laura was doing. Laura looked up at her solemnly.

"I'm just…" Laura paused for a moment, and then raised an eyebrow. "Wait. You said you see him, Jen. You see him in your sleep." Jen nodded. "You saw his face?"

"I thought I didn't remember… but I just know what he looks like. I feel like I've seen him before." Jen shuddered. "He was so… _familiar_."

"You would remember him if you saw him?" Laura asked, as she rose from the floor and leaned against Jen's desk with her arms across her chest.

"Yeah… I would." Jen answered, reluctantly. She didn't like where Laura's train of thought was going. She wasn't ready to face him.

"You know where I'm going with this, Jen." Jen nodded. "You know what I'm going to tell you – and damn it, I have to tell you. We have to go to Wisconsin. We have to go to your hometown. We have to get this bastard locked up once and for all. Jen… we've got powerful friends. They'll stick by you…"

"Laura." Jen shook her head slightly. "You don't know what you're asking me to do."

"I know full well what I'm asking you to do." Laura looked at Jen with a sense of defiance. "I don't want this to eat you up inside. It'll never go away. I know that. But, I don't want it to eat up anymore. If this guy isn't on the loose… if he's caught… if he's…"

"If." Jen knew that rape cases were backlogged. She had researched the reports and understood that the justice system was often lacking. She didn't want to open herself up to that.

"Jen, you know at least three or four people who are legitimately able to call in a favor with the President. At least."

"Nobody else is going to be brought into this!" Jen stated abruptly.

"I won't let this guy follow you around – into another fucking galaxy! Into your dreams! In all of those dark corners and hallways! You said he was like the wraith – and you know what I do when I see the wraith? I _hunt_ the wraith. I call in my favors if I have to, but I seek out and destroy the enemy. That's _my_ charge. That's what _I_ do. But when friends – when _family_ – are involved? You think I'm letting him to do that to you? Hell no. Not on my watch."

Jen looked at her and didn't know what to say. There were so many different emotions swimming through her head.

"I'm going into the cafeteria. We managed to bring ingredients for chocolate cake back with us on the Daedalus. When you're ready, I want you to join me." Laura looked at Jen with the authority of a drill sergeant. She then turned away and began to walk to the door. Jen didn't know what to say.

"You know," Laura turned around and faced Jen. "Sheppard, Evan, Teyla, McKay… and _especially_ Ronon saw me in the cafeteria and sent me down here to check on you. They're worried. They were worried you were holed up in here like you were preparing some underground bunker for an impending apocalypse." Laura held Jen's gaze strongly as she said her final words before departing: "And you know what I think? They're right. Even McKay – with the social awareness of a wet blanket – is right. You're too good for this."

With those words, Laura walked out of Jen's office with her head held high. She worried, deep down, that she was going about everything the wrong way. Perhaps she was. She was so damn worried about Jen, though – she wanted nothing more than to help her avoid wasting away.

Ronon took a quick swig of his water as he saw Laura Cadman walk into the cafeteria… alone. He had hoped – rather, they had all hoped – that Cadman wouldn't come back solo. When they had mentioned to her that they were worried about Jen, Laura had squinted her eyes and – without a word – had marched off in the direction of Jen's office. The look on Teyla's face had done it for Laura – Teyla only gave that look when she was truly worried. Rodney had stared down at his lap, not knowing what to say.

And when Laura returned without Jen… Ronon, Sheppard, Teyla, Lorne, and McKay all exchanged quick glances with each other. As Laura neared the table, she smiled inwardly at the group of people who had cared so much about Jen. Jen had a funny way of not realizing that she was truly, deeply cared for – especially by people right in front of her, Laura realized.

Laura took a free chair and sat down at the table.

"You had no luck persuading Jennifer to accompany you?" Teyla asked with a worried face.

"She'll show up." Laura said confidently.

"You sure about that?" Sheppard inquired, taking a sip of some coffee.

"Oh, she's exhausted… but I got through to her. She needs to stop beating herself up." Laura gave a meaningful look to Ronon as she said those words. "And," Laura turned to Teyla, "She also needs to get out of her office and spend time with her friends."

"I agree wholeheartedly." Teyla commented.

"She'll come, though. I'll give her ten minutes – but she'll come." Laura added. "So. I also have some news… that I think you can all fully get behind. Some _big_ news." Laura smiled as she said those words. She said them slowly, however, and then paused.

"Out with it! We don't have all night!" Rodney urged her to go on. Sheppard shot him a glare and Rodney made a sour face. Lorne rolled his eyes and gazed at Laura intently.

"The Daedalus crew – and by crew, I mean myself – manage to bring ingredients for chocolate cake to Atlantis." Laura said smugly. Everybody at the table broke out into smiles. "But… nobody else knows yet. The cake should be ready soon – we have first dibs."

Teyla's eyes widened. "This is great news, Laura."

"If Jen's not here in ten, I'm giving her share to Teyla," John added, laughing. Teyla playfully swatted John's arm, mock chastising him.

"Oh, she'll be here." Laura stated confidently, stretching her arms out behind her back. Ronon looked skeptical. He kept his eyes on the transporter that led to the mess hall. "Trust me." She added, rising from the table.

Moments later, the crew – Lorne, Sheppard, Teyla, Rodney, and Ronon, led by Laura – made their way to the kitchen silently. Laura had informed them that the cake would be ready – if they were to get first dibs on such a hot commodity, they had to move fast. Laura felt like the lead troublemaker who sat with the cool kids in the cafeteria.

As they entered the kitchen, Jen Keller did something remarkable. She rose from her desk, walked to the small bathroom adjacent to her office, and washed her face. She then combed out her hair, threw on some lip balm, and stretched out her arms. She reached for her jacket – as if she had been instructed to do so by some higher power – and finished putting herself together. She took a long hard look in the mirror after she finished. She was going to walk to the mess hall, she reasoned.

She was going to walk to the mess hall with her head held high. She was going to do something brave: she was going to rise up after falling down – because that's what people do, she realized. It's what people _have_ to do.

And when Jen walked out of her office and made her way to the transporter, something changed. She was going to stand up and be a little more assertive. She wasn't ready to face this guy –_ no way_ – but she was ready to be a little more defiant. She was ready to see her friends – people who could see through her, she knew – and sit with them. She was ready to let loose… and attempt laughter.

Jen closed the transporter door and leaned against the wall, briefly collecting all of her emotions before she pressed the blip on the screen that would take the transporter to the mess hall. After deeply breathing for a moment, she touched the screen – knowing full well that she wouldn't be hiding anymore. Things were going to change.

Shortly after the crew came back to their table with their smuggled chocolate cake in tow – and an extra slice for Jennifer, which Laura had been adamant about – the transporter doors slid open. Ronon had been on alert, listening for that sound since Laura had insisted that Jennifer would make her way down to the mess hall.

Ronon's eyes darted to the transporter door. Jennifer stepped out and immediately saw her table of… friends. Yes, she realized – friends. She had friends.

Her eyes locked within Ronon and she flashed him a slight smile. He nodded at her and nudged Laura. Laura put her spoon down and looked at the transporter door. She smiled smugly and rose quickly, pulling up an extra chair for Jen. Jen closed the distance between the transporter and the table.

As Jennifer sat down, Laura slid a plate of chocolate cake and a spoon in front of her.

"Thanks." Jen said with a grateful smile.

"We had been very worried about you, Jennifer." Teyla said, giving her a meaningful look. "It's great to see you out of your office." Teyla reached over and squeezed Jennifer's hand, not holding back on any emotion. Jennifer looked into her eyes and nodded. The group at the table knew that something had been wrong – and Laura, of course, had mentioned nothing. It had been obvious to the group that Jennifer was running from something.

Ronon, perhaps, had known that all too well. Having run from his past for over seven years, he knew what it looked like – he knew what that desperate sense of longing was like – and he hated to see it played out on Jennifer's face.

In truth, everyone from the group was running from something. Rodney was running from a world where he could not work on anything exceptional – he was running away from lesser thans, those with no visions – and no dreams for making things better. Sure, he was full of himself and wanted the glory – but in doing that, he was selfless, as the glory he desired would by no means be made public to the people in his field back on Earth.

And John Sheppard – John Sheppard, if anything, was running from too much to even be described. It was evident in his strut – the way he walked down the halls – the way he wore his sunglasses – and the way he ran his right hand through his hair when he had nothing else to say. He was running from gunfire – burning gasoline in Afghanistan; he was running from loss – he still did not feel he was fit to live among people and love with them; and he was running from the bittersweet taste of memory.

Teyla ran from the decimation and partial destruction of her people, right into the arms of another group – a group that, if anything, would have described itself as a gang of misfits with no other place to call home. Home was out _there –_ out beyond everything they knew – with a whole new set of stars and charts and languages and smells.

Laura Cadman looked over the table and smiled inwardly. She eyed Evan – in all of his stoic moments, he was quite vulnerable, just as everyone else was. And herself? Hell, she had been running for a damned long time. Women who diffuse bombs and know exactly which wires _not_ to cut sure as hell aren't the women who are complacently sitting still, perfectly happy with the world around them.

In time, Laura realized, Jen would come to accept that everybody here was similar in the same way – everybody had something that ate at they and attempted to take control of them. And everybody fought in their own way – some in the darkness, some while looking over the sunset on the Lantean piers, others while making bantos rods come alive in dimly lit training halls. Everybody was fighting – everybody was running – and everybody had those desperate moments where words would not suffice and the people around them were all they had.

And as Ronon – a man who had most literally run for his life for seven years – smiled at Jennifer, he knew that he would have to let her fight on her own. He could help, he knew, but when a person runs – they have to run part of the distance alone, if only to prove to themselves that they can survive, flourish, and endure. It was painful to watch, but he knew he had to give her space and let her claim her voice. It would happen, he knew, because she was strong – but he frowned inwardly as he knew how painful that would truly be.

More than anything, he wanted to know what plagued her – and how he could help fix the mess she was in – but he knew that he had to back off. When people ran from affection like that? Something definitely had happened. He pushed the thoughts out of his mind as he took in the woman that sat in front of him.

Jennifer saw Ronon look at her and she smiled. She hadn't smiled like that in a long time.

"Did I miss anything?" Jennifer asked, savoring her chocolate cake. It was a taste that she had not tasted in a very long time.

"_Some _of us," Teyla started, eyeing Ronon, Rodney, and John, "were discussing the most accurate way of destroying a Wraith hive." Laura and Jennifer laughed while Teyla shook her head with a smile.

"And some of us were more accurate than others!" John started.

"Not this again, Sheppard! You can't fly another Jumper –" Rodney countered, all the while cut off by Teyla.

"You are going to send Jennifer back into her office." Teyla said pointedly. She took a spoonful of chocolate cake and put it in her mouth, taking in the delicious flavors. Everybody else seemed to be enjoying themselves and laughing.

Before the men could jump into the conversation once again, however, Teyla smirked.

"I need to retreat to my room for meditation." She said, rising from the table with her plate. "But, I'll have you all know – my method was by far the most efficient." Smirking, Teyla walked away from the table and quickly went into the transporter.

Jennifer burst out into laughter, followed by Laura.

"_Teyla _has a method for blowing up a Wraith hive?" Rodney questioned.

"You're looking at the only woman who could kick my ass." John said with a grin. "I wouldn't put it past her."

As Jennifer sank into her bed that night, she realized that she was among friends. She had known it all along, but had been too scared to seem vulnerable. To avoid this, she buried herself in work – only to realize that it made her seem more vulnerable than she had truly been. She wasn't weak, she realized – she would fight this.

Pushing the thoughts out of her head and satisfied with her evening, Jennifer retreated into a state of calm sleep – a sleep that, for the first time in ages, did not contain visions of the man who had nearly destroyed her.

To be continued…


End file.
